Great is Thy Faithfulness

**This is a post I shared on Cross Moms (www.crossmoms.com)**

Not so long ago, I heard a sermon from Deuteronomy about God telling the people “remember and do not forget”.  The Israelites’ calendar was structured around celebrations, which were times for them to remember God’s goodness and faithfulness in their lives.  This was a necessity, as the Israelites didn’t have the best memory.  God brought plagues on Egypt that brought them out of slavery, he parted the Red Sea so that they could cross, and he provided manna from heaven for them to eat each day.  Still, when Moses was up on the mountain, they decided to make a golden calf to worship.  This used to baffle me.  God had provided for them, repeatedly and abundantly.  Why would they not trust him?   Why would they be so quick to seek another god?

Recently, though, I’ve stopped giving the Israelites such a hard time – because I am just like them.  God has also done great things for me.  His touch and hand on my life is unmistakeable, and yet, sometimes, I forget.  I forget his faithfulness, his goodness and his power.  I need the same reminder as the Israelites: remember and don’t forget.

I’m reminded of this because I recently failed in this area.  Again.  I chose fear instead of faith.  

A little over a year ago, I became convicted that, whenever my husband and I had children, I was supposed to stay at home with them.  This was not an easy decision for me, as I had always planned on having a highly successful career and working outside the home.  However, as I sought God’s plan for my life (and as I realized that I could hardly keep up with everything on my plate even without having children), I realized I was supposed to be at home, focusing on God and my own family first.

With no plans for kids anytime in the near future, I was at peace with this decision.  My husband and I decided that once he finished graduate school, we would try to get things in order for me to be a stay at home mom.  We had a plan.

And then we had a positive pregnancy test.

Although I was so excited about our little one coming, I was also confused.  I felt like God had clearly guided my decision to stay home, and I was convinced that was his will for my life.  But then, it seemed my circumstances wouldn’t allow it.  We owned a home that was appraised for less that we purchased it for just three years ago, and my husband had to go to graduate school, leaving me to provide for our growing family.  I was crushed, defeated and fearful.

However, like he always does, God has provided.  He has been so faithful to my little family.  My husband was granted a full scholarship for graduate school, and a position that pays a small stipend (which is pretty much unheard of in the architecture field).  I was so excited by this news, until we did the math and realized that I would still need to work unless the house sold, which seemed an unlikely prospect given the economy.  But, we put the house on the market anyhow, and it sold – in just two weeks and three days.  I jumped up and down sharing the news with a friend, and I cried in amazement at God’s goodness and provision.  But, when I think about it, that’s really not the proper response.  Yes, I should be grateful, but I shouldn’t be surprised.  1 John 5: 14-15 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God:  that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.  And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.”

Why did I doubt?  Why didn’t I have faith and confidence that God would provide as he has so many times before?  When he puts a desire in our heart that is in accordance with his will, he will also make the way for it to happen.  (1 Thessalonians 5:24 “The one who called you is faithful and he will do it.)

I am so thankful for his provision in my life.  I am also determined to choose faith next time, instead of fear.  I want to model that for my son, so that he becomes a child of faith, one who trusts in his great God to keep his promises and to care for him.

An old hymn has been in my head this past week  “Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.”  Indeed.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21.

In need of help, and community

This morning a few friends from church were over with their sweet little children. I was the "odd woman out" - the only mother who is currently working. The other three ladies are all at home and get together each week to talk shop, fellowship and share the joys and struggles on this journey of motherhood. I was a part of the group while on maternity leave, and was excited to be able to participate again this week while on spring break.

We enjoyed the chance to catch up and have a bit of adult interaction before it was time for us to put our kiddos down for naps, meet husbands for lunch or otherwise continue with our days. Before she left one of my friends said, "Hey, I'd love to make you guys a meal sometime soon". I responded quickly and with sincere appreciation, "That'd be wonderful."

Immediately I realized that this response was out of character for me, or at least, it was out of character for "pre-Eli" me. As I've mentioned before, I have learned SO much from having this sweet little boy. My son was not "planned" by the hubs and I (he was a surprise) but he was absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, part of God's plan for our lives. I know that sounds a bit cliche, but it's true. When I think about so many people I know who tried for years to have a child, I know that my "it only takes one time" baby is a miracle, a gift that God knew we needed, even though we were not yet aware.

I certainly believe that God gave us Eli in order to bless us tremendously, but I also know that it was for more than that. It was to grow us, to show us our sin, and to teach us more about Him and his ways. For me specifically, it was to make me less selfish, and to break down my pride.

The "pre-Eli" me would have responded to my friend, "Oh, you don't have to do that, I have it under control." She would have pretended and gone to her grave making everyone think that things were going perfectly with balancing working, being a wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend, trying to keep up with things around the house and attempting to spend time with God each day. She would have bent over backwards to make things seem completely and totally under control, even if they were falling apart around her.

I have learned over the past few years, and especially since having our son, the importance of genuine community. We absolutely were not meant to do this life alone. We need each other tremendously, and we need to be open and honest about our struggles in order to let our friends in and allow them to help carry our burdens. Nothing is gained by pretending to have it all together and carrying the weight alone. The Bible, full of "one another" verses, says "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" Galatians 6:2. I'm thankful that God is (slowly but surely) breaking down my pride and allowing me to live a much fuller life, being genuine and more willing to accept help. I am also thankful for the gift of the "one anothers" in my life - the sweet, life-giving friends who walk beside me and help me as I try to be the wife and mother I'm called to be.

Changed.

My life has turned out to be oh. SO. different than I thought it would be. Seriously. Sometimes I can hardly recognize this person when I compare her to the girl she was "supposed" to be. The girl that started college in the biomedical engineering department thinking that biomedical engineering was a good "back up plan" in case the dream of going to med school fell through. She's doesn't even bare much of a resemblance to the girl who graduated college - with a Bachelors in Religious Studies and a Masters in Elementary Education (and a plan to teach for just a little while before either getting a PhD and teaching Religion at a prestigious university, or maybe becoming a principal of a school). Like the biomedical engineer/doctor, that girl is also no where to be found.

The success-driven, career-valuing girl is gone. She hasn't even left much of a trace, other than a few large diplomas sitting in their frames. That's about all you will find of her.

In her place, there is someone new. Someone who has to run out the door quickly in the morning for fear that, if she doesn't go fast enough, she might decide to not actually leave. Someone who lives for the weekends, or for 3:15 when she gets home to her baby and kisses his face until he giggles and smiles. Someone whose favorite days are spent singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" or some other silly song, reading countless books to a 4 month old (who, clearly, understands them), and playing the day away. This new person loves taking walks with her baby boy snuggled closely in a carrier, because he feels too far away in the stroller. This mother doesn't care if her attempt at a modern designed home is thwarted by the obnoxious baby items scattered here and there. Or if her mini trip to Charlotte takes SOOOO long to prepare for because she has to pack a million random things, or if it includes hotel room "lights out" at 8:00 and not being able to explore the city because, well, it's baby's bedtime. She doesn't care at all because she is completely and totally in love with her little family of three.

My life may not look glamorous anymore (oh, who am I kidding, it never looked glamorous) but I wouldn't trade it. I am so in love with my husband and son and pick being there with and for them over anything else in this world. Oh how things change.