Six month letter to Eli

A few weeks ago I had a kid.  Now he's six months old.  How did that happen??  I have got to stop blinking.

In all seriousness, the past six months have FLOWN by.  I'm pretty sure that he now qualifies as an "older baby".  I'm not sure, but I'm guessing he's around 17lbs (16lbs, even at 5 months).  What happened to my little (not so little) 9lb bundle that left the hospital?  He has grown so much, so fast.

I am keeping a journal of letters to Eli.  It's a little notebook that JP bought me when I was pregnant.  I wrote letters to him throughout my pregnancy, and have been writing one a month since he was born.  It's fun to tell him what he's doing and how we're spending our days.  It's also fun (already) to look back and read about what he was doing, when.  I'm sure that'll be the case even more as he gets older.  Anyhow, he turns 6 months today, and I decided to type this letter.  I'll transfer it into his journal when life slows down (or just print it and stick it in).

Dear little Eli,
You are now six months old.  I can't believe it.  It feels as though I just blinked and you changed so much.  I've spent a lot of time this month looking at all your pictures, and it's crazy to see how you have grown.  Your daddy and I love you more and more each day though, and we are not rushing through any stage.  We are savoring every single moment with you, and enjoying each new thing as it comes.

It has been a busy, full month.  Our house has been under contract an we've been working hard to get through all the contingencies, and to get ready to move.  We will miss our place, the first home we lived in as a family of three, but are oh so happy that it has sold, because it means I get to stay home with you.  I can't imagine life any other way.  I know we'll have hard days, but I am elated that we will get to spend them together.  That is worth far more to me than owning our house, or having nicer finishes.  Ten days love bug, ten days.

Early this month, we went to Pawley's Island, SC for a family reunion and your very first beach trip.  Your great aunts and uncles, and your daddy's cousins were all so excited to meet you for the first time.  You charmed them all, the way you melt everyone with your precious blue eyes and sweet sweet smile.  You also got to feel the sand and water over your toes, and go in a pool for the first time, and you loved it.  You are mommy's little fish.  You splash and splash and hate getting out of the water.  You're the same way at home in the bath.  You've been in the big tub with mommy for a while, and you couldn't be happier about it.  You grab for your ducky and the bath book grandma got you, and hit the water gleefully.  Sometimes you seem surprised when it jumps up and covers your face, but you never seem to mind.  I'm looking forward to the summer.  I imagine we'll be in pools a lot.  (You're ready - you were given 6, count them, 6 bathing suits!  Result of being the first grandchild on both sides, I suppose).

The following weekend was Mother's Day, my first "official" one as your mom.  We had such a lovely weekend.  On Saturday we did a 5k for my school, and then we went strawberry picking.  I loved the "Mom" picture you and your daddy made for me, but having you with us was by far the best gift,  ever.

It's been a full month for more than just the things we've done.  You've changed a lot over these last thirty or so days. The biggest change has to do with your mobility.  No, you aren't crawling yet, but you are rolling like crazy.  I often refer to you as my little rolly poley.  If we lay you on your tummy you will roll, and roll, and roll, until something prevents you from going any further.  This means we have to watch you a bit more closely.  You're also rolling over in your crib.  We still put you to sleep on your back, but we find you all sorts of different ways.  Lately, you end up asleep on your tummy.  Sometimes diagonally, sometimes perpendicular to the bed.  You have been putting yourself to sleep more often, which makes us so proud,  You've also been sleeping a bit longer (well, just the past few nights - I probably shouldn't even mentioned it because then you'll just revert back to prove me wrong).  Mommy and Daddy appreciate this, and aren't walking around like the zombies we were when you were doing your 3-4 hour stretches all night.  Let's keep that up!

We still haven't started solids yet, and probably won't for the next two weeks.  The plan is to start after I finish teaching, and after your 6 month appointment, which will put you being about 6 1/2 months old.  I'm so proud of us for making it to the 6 month recommendation for exclusive breastfeeding.  It was sooooo hard on us both at the beginning, but we persevered and it's gone so well since you were about a month old.  I know it's "only" nursing, but perseverance is something I'd like to be better at, and it's something I want to teach you, so it's exciting that we accomplished this together.

Probably the biggest thing that happened this month was this past Sunday when your Daddy and I dedicated you to the Lord.  It was such a special time.  We're trying to remember that you aren't ours.  You never have been and never will be.  You are a precious gift from God, and we are so blessed with the privilege of taking care of you.  I pray that we will be good stewards, that we will raise you well.  I pray that you will be smart, caring, compassionate and friendly - but mostly I pray that you will know the Lord.  I pray that, as your name says, He will be your God.  I pray that you would make a huge impact for his kingdom.  Your Daddy and I want our home to be a place of love, where we teach you his grace.  I hope we'll model that for you.  I'm sure we'll fail, regularly, but we'll try.  It's a huge responsibility being your parents - but it bring us immeasurable joy.

We love you kiddo.  So much.  I look forward to the next month, and every one after that.  Being your mom is my favorite.
Love,
Mommy

A Gift I Can't Repay: Mother's Day Thoughts...

This past Sunday was a very special first for me – the first Mother’s Day where I, too, was celebrated as a mom.  With both my husband and my family living close by, we make a point to see both our families for most holidays.  Knowing it would be a busy weekend, our little family of three celebrated my Mother’s Day on Saturday (with a 5K walk for my school, strawberry picking, a yummy dinner at home and strawberry shortcake).  My son and husband also made me a picture gift (Eli is holding the letters to spell MOM – so precious).  It was a sweet, sweet day I know I’ll always cherish.

Then, on Sunday, we visited both our moms.  We took dinner and gifts for each one, hoping to make their day special and show them our appreciation for years of caring for us and loving us well.  This year, because I am a mom, I was a bit more reflective about the holiday than normal.

I’m a gift-giver – it’s one of my love languages.  Regardless of the holiday, I think long and hard about the gift I will give, and try to imagine the receiver’s response when they open it.  I keep a little section in the back of my planner with ideas.  Whenever I hear someone mention something they need, or would like to have, or something they really like that belongs to someone else, I make a note to refer back to when an occasion comes around (or, even better, for no occasion at all).  It’s how I give and receive love.

Last year I got my mom pearl earrings.  The freshwater pearls were beautifully nested in gold rings, and they were perfect for my mom.  I remember thinking that I’d done it.  I’d gotten her a wonderful gift, one that would adequately show my appreciation and “repay her” for all she had done as my mom.

Oh, how naïve I was!  Though my son is only five months old, he has taught me a great deal about motherhood already.  More than anything else, I’ve learned that being a mom requires a great deal of sacrifice.  My needs and desires are secondary to his.  My time is not my own.  This dear, sweet little boy is completely and utterly dependent on me, and my job is to care for him well.  This means getting up for feedings in the middle of the night, when I’m exhausted.  It means missing a nap because he won’t go down, and reading countless children’s books instead of my own.  It means buying onesies and rompers instead of jeans and dresses, diaper bags instead of purses.  It means he eats before I do (and often heating and reheating food).

When I think of these few sacrifices I’ve made for Eli thus far, I am overwhelmed by all my mother did for me.  She has loved me well, sacrificed tremendously, and met my needs and wants with delight.  Oh, how silly to think that pearl earrings (or any other attempt at gift giving) could repay her.  Also, what a joy to realize that her love for me, shown in these sacrifices, never asked to be repaid.  She didn’t love me well for Mother’s Day – for the gifts she might one day receive.  That’s not how a mother’s heart works. 

I am reminded that it is the same with God.  Because I am a gift-giver, and tend to be very performance-based, I often think that I need to earn God’s love and good gifts.  And, certainly, I should at least try to “repay” him with my own “gifts”.  I tend to think that if I share the gospel, pray and read my Bible enough, act better and give away more money, that I will somehow compensate God for what he’s done for me.  Again, this is silly. 

My gifts to God (or my mom), no matter how good they are, or how well thought out, will never be good enough.   Jesus’ sacrifice was perfect and ultimate – my sacrifices for Eli, even when he is most needy, don’t come close.   God didn’t send his Son to die for us so that we would try to repay him.  He didn’t do it so that we might futily attempt to compensate with prayer, Bible reading or evangelism.  He did out of his loving heart – he considered it his JOY to give of himself for his children.      

This Mother’s Day I was reminded of two things:  to try to imitate God’s sacrificial love to my son, and to be thankful for all He’s done, grateful that I am not required to pay Him back.