When life doesn't go according to my color coded plan...

I'm a planner - type A, organized (mostly), color coded, the whole nine yards. One of my favorite times of the year is when Barnes and Noble sets up their new calendars and planners. As I've shared before, I love fresh starts. Perhaps even more than with a new journal, an unmarked planner epitomizes a new beginning. It also allows me to fill its pages with my plans for the upcoming year. I mark fun events in blue, the regular everyday to-do lists and daily activities in black, deadlines/due dates in red, birthdays in purple - there's quite a system to making sure my life is well organized and goes exactly according to plan. Definite dates are penned in the appropriate color, while others that are not set in stone are written in pencil. I use this system hoping to never miss an engagement, have everything turned in/completed at the appropriate time, and enjoy the bliss of a life that goes the way I want it to, without and glitches or mess-ups.

If only my REAL life would get the message that it's supposed to be as neat and orderly as my color coded planner, all would be well. Somehow though, it doesn't. There's a disconnect between the life I plan and the one I lead. It makes me feel uneasy when I realize I'm not fully in control. Too many things can go wrong. Bad things happen. The only things that are supposed to occur are the ones written neatly into my beautiful blue planner.

Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work like that. No matter how much I try to plan, organize, and make my life go smoothly, it often doesn't work. I think if someone would have told me a month ago how much my life would change in just a few short weeks, I wouldn't have believed them. There have been some difficult days, to say the least - full of change, disappointment, struggles, and heartbreak. In a short amount of time, I feel like my "life plan" has been turned on it's head. I don't quite know how to operate with so many things off track. I haven't been using my planner lately. There doesn't seem to be much point these days - life hasn't been going according to plan anyway.

In the midst of all of this, the one thing I can hold on to, is that God DOESN'T change. He hasn't and He won't. He is the same yesterday, today and for a thousand tomorrows and He won't disappoint or won't break my heart. Right now, I'm not sure what I'd do without that. Today I've been reminded of one of my favorite worship songs. I remember it from my 3rd year of college, when I went through some pretty shaky things. It was a source of comfort then, and it is today.

Refuge:

Your call comes like the morning breeze

You spread Your wings and cover me

Underneath Your shadow

I will hide away

For there I've found my shelter

And there I'd like to stay.

Refuge, You're my refuge

When the world is shaken

And nothing stands

I will hold on to Your hand

Refuge.

I also have been thinking of another new favorite:

Your Hands:

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

From the mouths of sugar lump, pumpkin pie and darlin: Funny things my kids have said/done this year

When my students left on the last day of school last year, I cried. No, that's not a fair description. I bawled - like a baby - for hours. I had taught them for two years, during which time we all grew tremendously close. On "graduation" day, they could have left with their parents after the morning ceremony, but they stayed, all of them, and we had a wonderful wonderful day. I thought there was no way I'd ever love a group of children as much as those 15, but I was wrong.

My class this year couldn't be much more different. Last year I had 15 kids, this year I'm up to 26. Last year we were a close-knit, big, happy elementary school family and this year the kids physically and socially resemble middle schoolers, complete with divisions and cliques. However, they really are a great group of kids. They are as unique as can be, and are absolutely hilarious. Here are a few of my favorite moments from the year:

Student is dancing like crazy in line. Me: "What are you doing?" Student: "Just shakin my etch-e-sketch". Student pulls etch-e-sketch out of his back pocket. "See"

Student calls me over and whispers in my ear: "Mrs. Mays, do you think the new kid can douggie?"

Response to writing prompt: "If I could live anywhere I'd live in LA, cause that's where all the girls be at and I be gettin their number n stuff." (Unfortunately, that's not what we need for passing the SOL - but he did spell their correctly!)

Student, to another student: "You know I'ma be the next Chris Brown - except I'm not gonna be beatin' up Rihanna."

Student: "Mrs. Mays, you always call us darlin'. You should try some new names like sugar lump or pumpkin pie." Another student: "You can call me scrumptious". Um, no. I can't.

Student: "Mrs. Mays, don't worry. I've already told my sister that "stuff" is NOT a 5th grade word. She'll be ready for you".

Me: "When did you become so interested in plays?" Student: "Well, you know, I've just always been dramatic."

As we were going over a sample writing prompt I said "Listen to the way this paper's sentences all sound the same. It's monotonous." Student: "What does monotonous mean?" Me: "It always the same, it's sort of like boring." Student: "Oh", then, to another student "This is monotonous".

I think I could fill up a book with all the funny things they've said and done. They may be challenging, and my days are almost always difficult, but then there are these moments where they make me smile or laugh and I just love them.

My Own Stuff Christians Like Post

Jon Acuff has a hilarious blog called Stuff Christians Like, about many of the funny things done in Christian culture. He writes about metrosexual worship leaders, the holiness of Chic-Fil-A, and the awkwardness of being single in church, among other topics. It's a pretty great site for a good laugh (although, he does have "serious Wednesday" post as well).

The other day my husband and I were running errands, and we were talking about some of the big decisions we have coming up. He's applied to several different graduate schools for architecture (and we just found out he got into the University of Texas at Austin). We'll soon be deciding where to move our little family or if we should stay here (if he gets into grad school at UVA). We're also contemplating what the next steps should be for me in my career, and when we might like to start a family. Needless to say, being two different people, our opinions are not always identical.

I asked him specifically what he'd been praying for in some of these areas, in order to determine whether I needed to "shot-block" some of his prayers and begin praying the opposite to cancel out his requests. (I thought I might even pray for what I wanted a few extra times in order to get my way, because clearly God say yes to the person who asks the most.) He answered my question about how he'd been praying, and followed with "but I always pray 'Your will be done' and ask God to do his will." To me, it sounded like a SCL post.

I grew up in an old country church where the Lord's Prayer was recited weekly, so "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done" is firmly planted in my mind. I also know that when Jesus was praying in the garden He asked God to take the cup from Him, but prayed the Father's will above His own. The will of the Father was of upmost importance in Christ's prayer, and let's be honest, who is a better example of how to pray than Jesus?

However, I frequently catch myself begging, and pleading with God to give me what I want. It sounds a little something like this "Please let JP get into UVA. I don't want to have to move and be half-way across the country. I think it would really hurt my parents for me to be so far away. I also love my church and the friends I have here. I really really want to stay. Please please please" and then I tack onto the end, as an afterthought "not my will but thine be done". It sounds a lot like Jesus and makes me feel a little less guilty about praying for my own way.

Am I the only one who does this? I'm betting not. I think we Christians like to pray for our own way, but add a "thy will" clause, somehow thinking we are appeasing God. We tend to think that we know what's best and we have things under control. Once we have figured out our own will, we plead with God to follow suit.

The error in this is our thinking that our will could possibly be better than the will of God and our lack of trust that God has our best interest at heart. The Bible tells us that God has good plans for us, and that everything works together for good for those who love the Lord. God has it under control and "He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20). I am going to try to flip-flop my prayers and petition and plead with God for his will, which is better than anything I could ever hope for or imagine. I want to press in and ask him to have his way with my life, with a strong faith that it will be for my good. Then in closing, perhaps I'll throw in "by the way, I'd love it if ____".

Book Review - Ragamuffin Gospel

I recently finished reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. It was a timely read for me as I've been struggling with constant fear of failure, and never-ending reminders that I'm not good enough. Manning's book reminds the reader of a pivotal truth - that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of grace, not works, available to each and every ragamuffin that will choose to accept it.

Manning begins with an anecdotal response to a sermon - "that airhead didn't say one thing about what we have to do to earn our salvation". He explains how our culture's "work your way to success" mentality has sculpted in us an incorrect view of salvation - that we have to be good enough so that we are pleasing to God and can thus be saved. While, as a Christian I know this is not a biblical teaching, it is something that I tend to fall prey into to believing. I found the book to be a refreshing reminder of truth, and an encouragement for my soul.

Manning contrasts the true God of grace with the invented god of legalistic Christianity. He explains how viewing God incorrectly compels us towards works at appeasing him, and gives us great fear when we fail, as inevitably we must. This is exhausting, frustrating, and ultimately prevents us from knowing and loving God for who he is. Manning continues to explain the true gospel (which he calls the "Ragamuffin gospel") and invites Christians to "loosen their halos" and live in freedom, with adoration, repentance and thanksgiving, as a result of the grace they have been given, not because of a checklist or as an act of duty.

I thought the author did a thorough job addressing an issue that is common to Christians who have grown up in church, with lists of do's and don'ts. He reminds us that the gospel that leads to the salvation of souls is not based on performance or merit, but is about grace given to the least of these. I loved the way he used the story of the prodigal son to make the point that Christ loves us as we are. Luke 15:2o says, "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Manning reminds his reader, throughout the book, that God loves us and runs to us with grace - even when we are a long way off.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.