"Stop the glorification of busy"

My husband sometimes (very kindly) remarks that I am “wasting time” on Pinterest.  It’s true, the website can sometimes be like Facebook – a black hole that sucks you into nothingness.  However, it can also prove quite useful.  I haven’t been on Pinterest that long, and already is has resulted in the (successful) making of homemade yogurt, bread, cute handprint paintings and several new scrumptious meals.  This doesn’t include the many other ideas that are waiting for me…

But, perhaps the best thing I’ve seen on Pinterest is the words quoted in this post’s title:  “Stop the glorification of busy”.  I admit, I find it a bit ironic that the words have been pinned several times – on a website that makes you feel a bit guilty if you aren’t making everything that goes on your table homemade and from scratch, your house isn’t full of DIY perfection, amazing décor, and practical storage solutions and your kids days aren’t perfectly scheduled with developmentally appropriate activities and craft time.  Pinterest, it could be argued, it a site that inspires busyness.  But, ironic or not, it is where I stumbled upon these few words that have settled deep into my heart.

I glorify business.  I absolutely do.  I think it’s a product of the culture we’re living in.  I remember being in college and “competing” about who was more exhausted, who had the most work to do, and whose extracurricular activity list was that longest.  Of course, it wasn’t an actual competition, but the conversation went something like this:

Me:  “I’m so tired.  I didn’t get to bed until after 2am last night.”

Friend: “I was up until 4.”

Me:  “It’s a really rough week, I have two papers due and an exam.”

Friend:  “I have two papers and two exams.”

Me:  “Well, I also have small group I’m leading this week, and a meeting to go to, plus volunteering…”

You get the point.  These conversations happened all. the. time.  And, guilty as anyone, I participated. 

Even still, it continues.  People seem to feel more important and significant when they have full planners and rattle of countless activities.   I’ve had people share that they are stressed from the things on their plate but they liked being able to say “I do this and this and this.”  Please don’t think I am speaking condemningly, as if I am Miss High and Mighty Above this Issue.  I’m not.  Though, currently, I have the opposite problem.

I have jokingly told many people I was born in the wrong time period.  I love staying home with my son, focusing on our family and home.  I love that, at one point in history, that was the expectation for women and totally accepted (and the economy didn’t dictate the need/push for the two-income home).  I would have done well in that time.

Now, I struggle with “is what I’m doing enough?”.  I CONSTANTLY look at moms who are, in addition to staying home all day with their children, running successful businesses from their homes, writing books, coaching, mentoring, etc.  I’m content not having those things on my plate, but often feel like my life and role isn’t valuable because I’m not “doing enough”.

It’s largely the result of believing the lie – buying into the glorification of busy.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy having things to do – but I want them to be things like spontaneously taking Eli to the park because it’s a beautiful day, reading for a little longer than normal, having a home that runs smoothly because I have the time to tend to it.   I guess I just want to be busy about the RIGHT things (for me) and not be busy for busys sake (or because I feel like I need to be). 

Being busier doesn’t make us more significant, better or glamorous.  For me, when I get too busy, I tend to become a stressed out mess of a human being (it’s true, ask my husband).  So, I am going to try to be careful about the things I do – choosing wisely where to devote my time.  I will stop the glorification on busy in my life.

So now, instead of getting back on Pinterest and figure out what else I need to do to be more awesome - I think I’ll just go to sleep.

This kid is obsessed with books (Eli update)

"This tiny hippopotamus has something small to say, and if we're very quiet now he'll say it right away.  Listen.  'Be Bo'.  You might not know what 'BeBo means, or maybe you've forgotten, it's just the tiny hippo way of saying belly button."

Ok, I'll stop there.  I can quote for you the entirety of Sandra Boynton's "Belly Button Book", along with numerous other books, but I'll spare you all.

I thought I'd do a little update on Eli overall.  I've posted about his food fights and such, but thought I'd do a more general "here's what he's up to post".  And that, my friends, begins with books.  The kid is OBSESSED.  "Book" was one of Eli's first words (I think it came right after mama and dada).  Anyhow, I spent the morning him reading no less (and likely a few more) than 25 books.  He finds them, brings them to me and says "book" over and over until I read it.  Then, often, as soon as the book is closed, he grabs it, thrusts it at me again, and insists that once just isn't enough.  We have several books that were read multiple (up to five) times this morning.  I hid Hippos Go Berserk (um, mommy was the one going berserk).

Despite the fact that it is sometimes annoying, I love that he's a little reader :).  He is his parent's child in that area, for sure.  He will often sit with books along and turn their pages.  Still, being read to is his all time favorite activity.  I have, on occasion tried to see how long he would sit on my lap and allow me to read, just to check his attention span.  I broke before he did (at like 12 books - craziness!)

In other news, Eli:
- is an extremely verbal child.  He knows/says close approximately 30 words.  Not all of them are crystal clear, but he has that many words that JP and I KNOW what he is talking about.  The list includes:  mama, dada, book, duck, cat (pronouced gat), hat (at), yogurt (gurt), bottle (aka sippy cup, pronounced bah), button (buh), dog, Nana (for my mom, and banana), Lala (for his Auntie Allison), snow (no), star (dar), light (another obsession), nose (no - will point to it!), mouth (mou - points), ear (points), bye bye, night night (ny ny), baby (sometimes pronounced correctly, sometimes says "be" - this is what he calls himself when he sees himself in the mirror), mum mums (the snack), puffs (says buh).  Anyhow, that's a pretty full, but not necessarily exhaustive list.  It is SO much fun that we're able to communicate, even if just a little :)

- eats well on the whole.  I know the last post was doom and gloom about his eating, but overall, he does well.  I hope it continues!

- has never been a fantastic sleeper.  He goes through phases where he does SO well, but then seems to regress.

- is not at mobile as he is verbal.  He's got a push toy that he likes, and will walk with that, but doesn't seem to have too much interest in trying to walk on his own.  He has JUST started to walk holding our hands (he used to let his legs give out), so that's some progress I guess.  JP is sometimes afraid Eli won't ever walk.  I am enjoying him not being AS mobile as I know he soon will be (the fast crawling is good enough).  Plus it makes him feel more like my little baby.

- is doing cute new things all the time.  He LOVES to play peekaboo, and will initiate this game often.  He has also (sometimes) started laying down and saying "ny ny" when he's tired.  LOVE it when he does this.  He LOVES playing with Ollie, though he has gotten confused and started calling him a cat (he used to call him a dog, at my parents, when we was outside.  And he learned cat at my in-laws, who have inside cats.  I think Eli must reason that since Ollie is inside, he's now a cat.  We're trying to convince him Ollie is, in fact, a dog, but he's not buying it).

- often asks for either JP or I.  SOOOO cute.  Sometimes JP will go get him from a nap and he will say "mama" over and over (um, he also did this during the prayer when we visited a new church on Saturday night - oops).  At any rate, it melts. my. heart.

- now has 6 teeth, 2 more are in the process of coming in

- doesn't particularly like many other toys (besides books).  He's enjoying a stacking toy he got for Christmas, and likes pulling the pieces out of his puzzle.  That's about it.  He is interested in the shape sorter, but seems to get frustrated when the pieces don't fit (same when he tries to stack blocks but doesn't have the coordination to make them sit on one another).

Even on mornings when I have to read books over and over, after having not gotten the best night's sleep, and then I have to fight him about a nap, I love that child enough that I often feel I'll burst.  He is such a sweet sweet little joy.  We are so blessed with him and enjoy seeing him grow and develop every day!

The time Eli and I had a fight about yogurt...

Yesterday I posted on Facebook about the adorableness of my sweet son.  I thought it was so cute that he's developed a favorite food - yogurt (or "gurt" as he likes to call it).  Every time we put him in his high chair his request is the same "gurt, gurt, gurt" (he usually says it multiple times, I guess he thinks his parents are slow).  Yogurt is a pretty standard food for him at breakfast time, but that's usually it.  He has always been fine with that (and readily ate whatever he was given), until recently.  In the past week, he's become a bit more finicky (refusing broccoli, zucchini and butternut squash, all of which he LOVED before) and has also started to ask for yogurt.  It was kind of cute when we was asking.  Tonight he was demanding.  And it was NOT cute.

It was dinner time, and I thought we'd start with some chicken, applesauce, whole grain bread and peas - all foods he likes (well, he'll only eat the chicken IN the applesauce, but at any rate).  As soon as he got into his chair, the pleas for "gurt" began.  I explained to him (for all it's worth explaining anything to a 13 month old) what he was having, and that he could have yogurt if he ate everything else.  We proceeded to try a bite of chicken and applesauce.  After turning his head, batting the spoon, and squirming like crazy, I finally got a bite in - for all of 2 seconds, before it came right back out.  Eli 1, Mom 0.  Ok, I thought, maybe he wants to feed himself.  I put some bread and zucchini on the tray - and before I knew it, both were on the floor (Ollie appreciate this, I did not - Eli 2, Mom 0).  I tried a spoonful of the peas, which had the same fate - out of his mouth and THEN thrown on the floor.  Eli 3, Mom 0.  Throughout the process I spoke sternly with countless corrections: "No Eli, No" and "We don't spit out/throw our food".  I smacked his little hand a few times, HARD, but it didn't phase him.  He cried, screamed, spit and threw.  It was a disaster.

As I walked to the kitchen to get yogurt (hangs head in shame of defeat), I prayed for patience.  I have NEVER been so frustrated with Eli.  I was even angry.  Didn't he know that I had worked hard to make his dinner?  Wasn't he appreciative of the fact that I go to the trouble to see that he has homemade, nutritious food?  Didn't he know this was good for him?  (The answer to those questions, by the way, is no).  Why did this have to be so difficult??

I told my husband today that I miss teaching.  I've said this before and it's true (though I don't doubt that the place I'm supposed to be is at home).  He asked me why, and I had several answers.
1.  I am/was good at teaching
2.  There was at least SOME sense of instant gratification.  When kids "got it" or their parents sent appreciative emails, I knew I was doing a good job.
3.  At least more than being at home, I was in control.

I think God has used Eli to teach me that I am not in control (um, hello surprise pregnancy) and that I need to depend on Him.  I can make healthy, nutritious food, but I can't force my son to eat it.  I can do my best to set up a good sleep schedule, and be home for his naps, but I can't make him sleep.  I can discipline him, train him, and teach him about the Lord - but I can't make him behave and I certainly can't make him believe.  It's humbling, for sure.  Sometimes I think about how well Eli's doing - that he is was? a good eater, that he's SO vocal, that he sleeps well (most of the time), and I think I'm doing a good job.  Other times, like tonight, I feel like a colossal failure.  I realize how very little I know about being a mom, and how much I have to learn.

But, honestly, I think that's a good place to be.  So, as I fed Eli his dinner (which, he ate all of - a spoon full of yogurt, applesauce/chicken, peas, and piece of bread - rinse and repeat), I thought about my great need for God's help with all of this.  It's a good thing He's faithful :).

Here's hoping (and praying!) that Eli goes back to being my fabulous eater.  In the meantime, maybe the "one bite of everything" trick will work.  Also, I tried making homemade yogurt today.  Let's hope it works and turns out well.  If my son is going to have to eat it at EVERY meal, I'm sure going to need it :)