The time Eli and I had a fight about yogurt...

Yesterday I posted on Facebook about the adorableness of my sweet son.  I thought it was so cute that he's developed a favorite food - yogurt (or "gurt" as he likes to call it).  Every time we put him in his high chair his request is the same "gurt, gurt, gurt" (he usually says it multiple times, I guess he thinks his parents are slow).  Yogurt is a pretty standard food for him at breakfast time, but that's usually it.  He has always been fine with that (and readily ate whatever he was given), until recently.  In the past week, he's become a bit more finicky (refusing broccoli, zucchini and butternut squash, all of which he LOVED before) and has also started to ask for yogurt.  It was kind of cute when we was asking.  Tonight he was demanding.  And it was NOT cute.

It was dinner time, and I thought we'd start with some chicken, applesauce, whole grain bread and peas - all foods he likes (well, he'll only eat the chicken IN the applesauce, but at any rate).  As soon as he got into his chair, the pleas for "gurt" began.  I explained to him (for all it's worth explaining anything to a 13 month old) what he was having, and that he could have yogurt if he ate everything else.  We proceeded to try a bite of chicken and applesauce.  After turning his head, batting the spoon, and squirming like crazy, I finally got a bite in - for all of 2 seconds, before it came right back out.  Eli 1, Mom 0.  Ok, I thought, maybe he wants to feed himself.  I put some bread and zucchini on the tray - and before I knew it, both were on the floor (Ollie appreciate this, I did not - Eli 2, Mom 0).  I tried a spoonful of the peas, which had the same fate - out of his mouth and THEN thrown on the floor.  Eli 3, Mom 0.  Throughout the process I spoke sternly with countless corrections: "No Eli, No" and "We don't spit out/throw our food".  I smacked his little hand a few times, HARD, but it didn't phase him.  He cried, screamed, spit and threw.  It was a disaster.

As I walked to the kitchen to get yogurt (hangs head in shame of defeat), I prayed for patience.  I have NEVER been so frustrated with Eli.  I was even angry.  Didn't he know that I had worked hard to make his dinner?  Wasn't he appreciative of the fact that I go to the trouble to see that he has homemade, nutritious food?  Didn't he know this was good for him?  (The answer to those questions, by the way, is no).  Why did this have to be so difficult??

I told my husband today that I miss teaching.  I've said this before and it's true (though I don't doubt that the place I'm supposed to be is at home).  He asked me why, and I had several answers.
1.  I am/was good at teaching
2.  There was at least SOME sense of instant gratification.  When kids "got it" or their parents sent appreciative emails, I knew I was doing a good job.
3.  At least more than being at home, I was in control.

I think God has used Eli to teach me that I am not in control (um, hello surprise pregnancy) and that I need to depend on Him.  I can make healthy, nutritious food, but I can't force my son to eat it.  I can do my best to set up a good sleep schedule, and be home for his naps, but I can't make him sleep.  I can discipline him, train him, and teach him about the Lord - but I can't make him behave and I certainly can't make him believe.  It's humbling, for sure.  Sometimes I think about how well Eli's doing - that he is was? a good eater, that he's SO vocal, that he sleeps well (most of the time), and I think I'm doing a good job.  Other times, like tonight, I feel like a colossal failure.  I realize how very little I know about being a mom, and how much I have to learn.

But, honestly, I think that's a good place to be.  So, as I fed Eli his dinner (which, he ate all of - a spoon full of yogurt, applesauce/chicken, peas, and piece of bread - rinse and repeat), I thought about my great need for God's help with all of this.  It's a good thing He's faithful :).

Here's hoping (and praying!) that Eli goes back to being my fabulous eater.  In the meantime, maybe the "one bite of everything" trick will work.  Also, I tried making homemade yogurt today.  Let's hope it works and turns out well.  If my son is going to have to eat it at EVERY meal, I'm sure going to need it :)