No need for condolences.

Last night I was up long after the lights were turned out and my (still tired) husband had fallen asleep.  I was thinking about a conversation I'd had earlier in the evening.  I thought about the way I was caught off guard, and about the reply I wish I'd given.  I was thinking about this blog post.

Yesterday I was on the phone someone from church - someone I don't know at all (I was speaking with him about serving on his ministry team).  Over the course of our conversation, I shared some basic life information with him - "Back in Charlottesville, I was a teacher for four years, but now I stay at home with our one year old son."  His response was immediate "My condolences".

I'm sure it was a joke, or at least an attempt at one.  Perhaps I should even be pleased that his statement means he recognizes what I do isn't always easy - that I don't sit around eating bonbons and reading magazines all day.  But, his response didn't have that affect.  It saddened my mama heart.

Condolences are what you give when a loved one passes away, or when a friend is experiencing great loss.  They are an expression of sympathy when someone is experiencing pain.  None of these things are relevant to me as a stay at home mom.

Some might say I took his comment too seriously, or that it wasn't a big deal.  But I think it IS a VERY big deal.  It seems as if this man's attitude is far too common in society - this idea that being around children so much is burdensome, that someone in this role is to be pitied.  I've gotten this outright from people: "I could never stay home", and in subtle messages in our culture.  Most recently, I noticed the words in the Christmas carol - "and moms and dads can hardly wait for school to start again."  Why?  To have the children out of their hair?

I'm not trying to pretend that it's puppies and roses for me all the time as I'm at home with Eli.  I also don't want to act as though I know it all when I only have one child, who has just passed the one year mark.  Sure, there are days that I know that being in a job would be far easier (and I imagine those days will only increase as Eli enters toddlerhood and whenever the Mays family grows).

However, I am absolutely, 100% certain that children are a blessing.  I've experienced it first hand, and God's word says so:  "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3.  They bring smiles, laughter and immeasurable joy and they also bring opportunities to grow and be molded into the image of Christ.  Eli has humbled me (like this morning when he was crawling all over us in bed after he nursed, and he spit up ALLLLL over my face and in my hair).  He has taught me to be more patient and more selfless.  He has given me a whole new understanding and appreciation for unconditional love.

So, I don't need condolences.  Not at all.  Call me crazy, but this mama wants a house full of children and is seriously contemplating homeschooling.  I thank God all the time for the amazing gift and blessing that He has given me in my son, and for the opportunity to be at home with him each day.  Life is good.  Messy, exhausting, and trying at times.  But so good.

Intentional parenting

This past Saturday we celebrated our sweet little Eli's first year of life.  It was a busy week, with a wedding, two Thanksgiving celebrations, Black Friday shopping and getting things ready for the party.  With sleep issues (less than an ideal transition) thrown in the mix, it was an exhausting week.  Yesterday was his actual birthday, and, being home, I've had a bit more time to process.

It has been such a crazy year for our family - full of change and transition, as I went back to work after maternity leave, we sold our house and moved into my parents, we moved to Charlotte, and I transitioned to being a stay at home mom.  Each day I see my son learning many new things, which is exciting, but it's humbling to realize I've learned so much more than he has.

I am constantly learning this thing called parenting.  As I think about the mom I've been this past year, and the mom I want to be for the rest of my life, one word comes to mind:  intentional.

This is not a post about breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, disposable vs. cloth diapers, what types of solid foods to feed, or whether the mom should stay at home or continue working.  It's not a plug for a certain book or way of doing things.  It's simply a call to make all parenting choices after careful consideration.

For me, it is so easy to go about life following the status quo - to do things the way I always have.  Change is hard, and I'm much more comfortable just going through the motions and following the norms.  This is one reason I thank God that JP didn't get into UVA.  If he had, we probably would have stayed in Charlottesville, in our house, and I'd be teaching at Red Hill full time (despite my conviction that I should be at home).  That's just the way I am.  I think God didn't let that happen because he knew we needed a little kick in order to change things up.

I'm digressing a little bit, but my point is this:  I want to parent intentionally.  I want to pray about my decisions and follow the Lord's leading to the best of my ability.  I want the foods we eat, the things we do, the vacations we take, and the way we celebrate holidays to be the result of thought and careful consideration.

I've been thinking about the holidays most of all, because, well, we're in them.  I'm trying to think of the traditions I want to create in our family and the ways I want to celebrate different holidays.  Eli is obviously still pretty little, but honestly, that's the best time to start (in my opinion).  Last year I read Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper.  I'm looking forward to reading through it again, as well as considering other ideas, and then settling on what we want to do as a family to celebrate Christmas, Easter, Birthdays and Thanksgiving - as well as our daily "traditions".  It's fun to think of our kiddos coming to love these sweet ways we celebrate.

It's been a good year.  I'm looking forward to intentionally parenting this next one - making the best decisions I can for my family and praying that God will use them to bless our kiddos and draw them close to Him.

On Registries and Baby Things...

A week from Monday my sweet little baby turns a YEAR old.  Where did this year go?  I seems like only a few weeks ago we were bringing him home from the hospital, completely clueless as to how to care for such a little human being.  I remember feeling overwhelmed at the hospital, and shocked that the doctors and nurses were going to allow us to bundle him up and take him home.  They certainly had more confidence in us than I did.

I remember going through pregnancy trying to make all sorts of decisions.  We had to consider a birth plan, how we would feed and diaper our child.  Then, there was the registry, which I felt completely unprepared to complete.

It's different with a wedding registry.  They give you the list of "must haves" and it's not too hard to sort through which items will be essential in your household, and which, quite frankly, you could do without.  With that, I started with a simple rule:  if I've never heard of it, we probably don't need it.  If I've never used it, and my parents have never used it, we probably don't need it.  The wedding registry was fun, and definitely not stressful.

A baby registry, on the other hand, led us into uncharted territory.  We'd never had a baby before, obviously, so we couldn't use my tried and true rule.  In addition to having to sort through the things we may or may not really need, we also had to decide on brands.  So, I did the only thing I could think:  I emailed friends who had little ones already and trusted their wisdom.

Now, oddly enough, people email ME with the same question.  What should I register for?  What is unnecessary?  I've gotten the email enough times that I decided a blog post was in order.  Here are my thoughts on the registering process, the things I think are essential, and what I wish I had done differently.

First piece of advice:  It IS a good idea to email friends, but do not take their word as what will definitely be true for YOUR baby.  Babies are different, and so are their parents.  I recommend emailing friends you feel have similar lifestyles and ideas about parenting.  I also recommend thinking and discussing with your partner the ways you would like to do things and your thoughts and philosophies of parenting and then filter your advice using that model.

I also recommend getting a few different brands of things, and keeping receipts/boxes.  (For example, we got a few types of bottles, but Eli did so well with the Medela ones that we never used the others, and were able to return them).

Top Ten Registry Items (for the Mays family)
1.  A good carrier (we love the Beco Butterfly II).   Eli is almost a year old and we still use this daily for walking our dog, and I also use it for outings (Carter's Mountain, sometimes the mall) general cleaning around the house.  (I vacuumed the entire apartment with him in it the other day), and times when he gets discontent in the stroller.  We love it.  The Baby Bjorn is the more common carrier, and we did like borrowing one from a friend when Eli was really little, but I'm glad we didn't buy one (or, especially, that we didn't buy one brand new.  For $20 more we got a NICE carrier that doesn't hurt my back at all).  This is one of those items that some said we didn't need, but for our lifestyle and ways of parenting, it's been a must have.  (Oh, and we also liked having a Balboa Baby Sling when he was littler).

2.  SwaddleMe Blankets.  SOOOO much better than trying to put Eli in a swaddle with a regular blanket.  He LOVED being swaddled and stayed in swaddles until he was like 6 months old or something.  These were AWESOME.

3.  Good infant carseat.  We got a Graco Snugride 30 and I DON'T love it.  We really wish we had gotten the Chicco KeyFit, so much so that we might get a different carseat whenever we have baby number 2.

4.  A good pump.  We went for the Medela Freestyle and it was AMAZING when I was back at work.  I am so thankful that I always was able to pump enough for Eli, that he always got breast milk even when I was working.  I attribute a lot of that to the pump.  I don't use it too much now, but am still glad to have it in case we need to go out.  It was a lifesaver for the first six months.

5.  Cloth diapers for burp cloths.  Forget the cute ones.  These are way more absorbent.  Definitely the way to go!

6.  Space saver high chair.  Love this.  It goes on a regular chair and takes up way less room than a traditional one.

7.  Books.  My friends did a "book instead of card" shower, and I LOVED getting lots of board books!  We read them allllll the time. (Eli's first word, after dada, was book.  And believe you me, he still requests that we read them several times a day).

8.  Diapers/wipes.  It was nice not to have to buy these for a while.  I realllllly wish we had registered for cloth diapers though, since we did end up making the switch when Eli was about 2 1/2 months old.

9.  Frame stroller and a jogging (or, three wheeled, all terrain stroller).   Almost everyone recommended getting the travel system, which, we did.  I haven't been happy with it at all.  I really wish we had gotten a frame stroller for the carseat, and a jogging stroller for later.  I do also have an umbrella stroller that we use quite a bit these days.  It's nice because I don't even put it down most of the time, just throw it in the back of our Subaru.  But, if I need to, I can take it down easily and it's super compact.  I have big regrets about our stroller.

10.  Convertible Carseat.  We had enough credit for about half the cost of the next size carseat, but if we had done things slightly different with our registry, might could have had enough for the whole thing (I know friends who have gotten this larger item at showers).  We have the Britax Marathon 70 and like it a lot so far!  (Though Eli has only been in it for a few weeks)

Borrow (if possible) 
1.  Swing.  We were able to borrow one from a dear friend.  While I don't know that we could have done without it, I'm so grateful we could borrow and not buy it.  It would take up soooo much space in our little apartment to store.

2.  Exercaucer.  Another big thing that takes up lots of space.  It IS a great toy and keeps them contained, but is SO big and not used for that long.

3.  Activity mat.  We were given ours at a shower, and Eli loved it, but just for a short time.  I don't think it's a necessary purchase if a friend has one and their kid isn't using it.

Items we could have easily done without
1.  Boppy pillow.  Totally unnecessary in my opinion.  I nursed Eli laying down a lot of the time, and when I was sitting, I found the Boppy still wasn't something we needed.  Since we had it, he did use it some for tummy time, but it is something we certainly could have done without.

2.  Boucy seat or Bumbo.  We were given both, but we took them both back because Eli HATED them.  He ALWAYS screamed when put in either of these, so we took them back to the store.  It may  be good to borrow, at least to see if baby likes it.

So, those are my thoughts.  I'd love to hear if people have different ideas/opinions.  Is something on my list something that your kiddo didn't like/need?  Or was one of Eli's non needed items essential in your family?  It is always so interesting to me how different kiddos are!

One month away from a year!

Eli will 11 months tomorrow.  He is ONE MONTH away from a year, and is birthday party is a month from yesterday.  This year has gone by so so fast, and I've tried to enjoy every single minute of it.

Sometimes, I get teary eyed thinking about how much he's changed.  The background on my cell phone is a picture of me holding Eli on the day he was born.  It blows my mind how much he's changed.  The little (big) 9lb baby, who would only sleep on our arms, nursed constantly and could be left laying just about anywhere has been replaced by a baby who, honestly, looks more and more like a little boy every day.  He sleeps a solid 12 hrs every night, goes down like a champ, is constantly on the move and is into EVERYTHING.  I haven't tried to rush through any of his stages.  The words "I'll be glad when he..." are not a part of our vocabulary.  Each day with that sweet sweet boy is such a blessing.  And as much as I sometimes miss my snuggly child, I'm really enjoying him just as he is.

At 11 months Eli:
- can say a few words!!!  He says Mama and Dada (still not 100% sure if he knows what he's saying), Mum Mum, book (without the k sound) and duck (again, it sounds like duck without the k sound).  For all three of those he definitely knows what they mean!  It's so neat that he's starting to (verbally) communicate with us!
- LOVES to read.  We seriously read a dozen books a day, at least.  He loves to turn the pages, so we only read board books for now, and he will hold them up and say "book" to request a reading.  It's adorable.  Sometimes when we're in his room playing he'll crawl over to my lap and say "book".  Melt. my. heart.  I love it.
- is really into making messes!  Some of his favorite things to do are pulling down all the board books from his shelf (every. last. one), throwing all the toys out of his pack n play, and opening his dresser drawers and tossing his clothes on the floor.  Yep - these things spell fun.  Sometimes it can be slightly annoying, but really, I don't mind too much.  He's just so stinkin cute.
- has developed a wonderful relationship with his Dada.  They walk Ollie together and play together regularly.  When JP gets home, Eli is so excited and reaches for him almost immediately.  It makes this Mama so happy to see and hear her boys playing together, laughing and enjoying one another so much.
- crawls everywhere.  He follows me around the house and is QUICK.  He also pulls up on everything and can stand using a wall.  He also cruises on furniture!  Walking may not be too far away (though we're not in any hurry)
- sleeps and naps like a little champ!
- likes to snuggle in the mornings and when he first wakes up from a nap.  It's usually just for a few minutes but we soak it all in - most of the day he wants to move and play on his own (unless he's sitting in our laps for a story).

And, at 11 months, Eli brings us more joy than we could have ever dreamed.  He is such a wonderful blessing and we thank God for him daily!

I want to be just like her....

This article  sparked an excellent conversation between the hubs and I last night.  (Unfortunately, the conversation began at 11:45pm and we didn't get to sleep until after 1:30am, which means for droopy eyes and a bit of a headache this morning - sigh.)  It was a good conversation nonetheless.

I have wonderful friends who are also fantastic wives and mothers.  In many of them, I see particular giftings.

One of my friends is an excellent writer (seriously, you should check our her blog, free book, and the book that will be published soon).  Her home is also beautiful.  It makes me feel like I'm stepping into a copy of Southern Living every time I enter its doors.

I have another friend who is always oh so put together.  Her hair is styled regularly, and she has an uncanny ability to make it look like the hairdresser does every. single. day.  She also has a super cute wardrobe, is great with makeup and is always coordinated and fashionable.  (My hair looks styled the 2-3 times a year it gets cut, and no one would ever, EVER call my wardrobe fashionable).

A third friend is a fabulous cook and is also incredibly healthy.  The meals she feeds her husband and son are usually made from scratch, using wholesome, organic ingredients.  She is excellent about doing research and making informed decisions regarding the health and well being of her son and family.

I could continue making lists of my friends and their awesomeness, but I'll stop.  You get the point.  I have friends that are incredibly successful in prestigious careers, friends that are insanely fit physically, etc etc.  And that's all wonderful (I am friends with some pretty fabulous people).

The problem is, I've got this other friend, who, really, is more of a foe.  She's a magnificent writer with a spotless, uncluttered, beautifully decorated home.  She is lean and incredibly fit, great at a plethora of sports.  However, she doesn't hang out in her gym clothes, but rocks a fashionable wardrobe, always put together with the right clothes, accessories, shoes and her hair and makeup are flawless.  She cooks healthy and delicious meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Her kids all slept through the night at 6 weeks old and are happy all the time - as is her husband.  And, why wouldn't they be.  He has the perfect wife and the children have a perfect mom.  Except, THIS PERSON DOESN'T EXIST.

I have this tendency to take all the awesomeness of every wife, mom and friend I know, put it all together, and create this super wife/mom/woman.  Then, I strive to be just. like. her.  Except I can't, and neither can she, because there is no such thing.

Instead of striving after a fictitious model, I need to do a better job of looking to Christ.  As the writer of the aforementioned article stated, my job description is to love God, love my husband and love my child and point him to Jesus.  I need to seek His guidance for things like how and what to feed my family, and how to spend our time.  I need to do what He calls me to do, and stop trying to be who he has made everyone else.  I need to rest in Him, and stop worrying and fretting about if I'm getting this whole thing right.

Does anyone else think that is SOOOO much easier said than done??

Right where I'm supposed to be

On Saturday I wrote about how I love my life and it's true, I do.  However, lest you think it's all butterflies and roses, I thought I should mention that, well, it's not.

A lot of my life is spent in the mundane.  I change diapers and clothes and wash them, along with all the other laundry.  I go to the grocery store, cook and clean.  I am in the house apartment for most of the day because a certain someone needs his morning and afternoon nap and, since it's just me and the munchkin, a lot of days are spent in pjs and workout clothes (and no, that doesn't mean I'm getting in great workouts during the naps). The majority of my days are not glamorous.  Actually, in all honesty, I wouldn't know glamorous if it hit me in the face.  

Today, I missed teaching.  Like, really missed it.  I missed getting up, getting dressed and heading off to a (semi) professional environment.  I missed walking around my classroom facilitating learning.  I missed asking kids questions to get them thinking about things differently, and helping light bulbs go off in their heads.  I missed collaborating with my coworkers to plan fantastic lessons - the kinds of lessons that my students would talk about, even after they left my class.  Believe it or not, I even missed faculty meetings - interacting with other teachers, sitting and taking notes and eating chocolate.  

In addition to missing teaching, I also started to fantasize about being a career business person (for both the excitement of the job, and the financial security that would come with it).  I  dreamed of being this business lady - you know, the kind that wears the super put together, business suits with splashes of color (and doesn't get spit/drooled/peed on), heels and jewelry (as in that stuff your kid pulls at all the time) and heads to an office (think the skyscrapers that adorn Uptown Charlotte).  I'd stop at a quaint coffee shop for a beverage and pastry before rushing to get to a meeting on time.  Then on my lunch break (I've never had one of those before!) I'd go with a friend to a fancy clothing store and get a cute dress for a work function that was coming up, and then get to go from a sandwich place around the corner.  It'd be grand.

Eventually, I snapped out of it and came back to reality.  Even for all the glamour, financial security and prestige, I wouldn't trade places with "that girl" who has that career business life.  I wouldn't even go back in the classroom.  My life might be full of mundane, and many might call it simple, but it's good.  I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be - in my home, taking care of my family.

Today I didn't do anything fancy. I went to the grocery store today and made my husband's dinner tonight.  There is apple crisp baking the oven.  My apartment is not a wreck and I spent all day with my son.  It might not have included a business suit, heels, jewelry, or clothes shopping, but it's been a good day and I am thankful, even for time to do the mundane.

I love my life!

Lately, I have struggled a lot with contentment.  It's difficult to be in a new city, especially one that I wasn't excited about moving to from the beginning, as a new mom who is at home with a 10 month old most of the day every day.  It's been a challenge to adjust to a (much) smaller place and to go from owning a townhouse to renting an apartment.  I also haven't loved JP being on a student schedule.  I know that, in reality, I'm tremendously blessed in so many ways.  But often, I struggle to see that.

Well, I saw it today.

Today was what JP and I jokingly referred to as my "spoil" day.  A few weeks ago, we were talking about me being at home, and he said he felt like he was getting spoiled with lots of yummy meals, a clean house, his lunch being made, etc.  I jokingly asked when I get to be spoiled and we decided I could have a "spoil" day for my birthday.  My parents were in town on my actual birthday, and then we were both getting ready for trips out of town, so today was the big day.

JP asked me what I wanted to do and said that anything I wanted (well, within budgetary limitations) was fair game.  I could get out for some shopping, get a pedicure, he'd cook every meal and do all the dishes - the sky was the limit.

I pondered for a while, trying to think of what to do to get the most out of the day (I mean, how often does an offer like this come around?).  I settled on a just a few small things pretty quickly - I wanted an uninterrupted night's sleep, complete with the ability to sleep in (ie. JP give Eli a bottle when he woke) and JP to cook/clean dinner (stir fry).  I decided to play the rest of the day by ear.

I went to sleep around midnight last night, and woke up around 5:45 puzzled that Eli hadn't gotten up (since he went down at 6:45).  I tossed and turned until 6:30, waiting for him to get up to eat, but he never did.  Even though I didn't have to feed him, I wanted to.  This surprised me.  The sleep that I had longed for didn't seem as important when I really wanted to snuggle my little munchkin.

Eli slept extra late (8:30!) and I did feed him when I got up (a little before 9).  Then, I went to a weight watchers meeting solo and came home.  JP said he was about to put him to bed, and I jumped in, offering to do it.

Once he went down for the nap, the hubs inquired as to what I'd decided to do - the shopping trip?  a pedicure?  what.  Instead of some "time away", I opted for lunch at Chipotle, with my boys, and then some frozen yogurt.  We took a stroll through the park, and sat on a rock to eat the yogurt, while Eli enjoyed crawling through the grass.  We came home, and all three went down for an afternoon nap.  Then, JP made dinner while I worked on organizing some photos.

It hasn't been a glamorous day, and really, it hasn't been much different than how lots of days are spent, except having JP around more and his cooking/cleaning.  But, honestly, I didn't want it to be much different.  I love my life.  I love my husband so much, and I adore our sweet little boy.  I enjoy being with them more than anything in the world, and there is nothing else I'd really prefer to do.  Even on my spoil day.

(Disclaimer:  Since it was my "spoil" day, I may have sent JP to the grocery store for some white cheddar popcorn.....)