Babies Don't Keep

Since having Eli, that poem (Babies Don't Keep) has been somewhat of a motto for living.  Despite the demands of being a wife, mom, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, etc (and, for three months, a teacher too!), I've tried to remind myself that Eli is only a baby for so long.  He's going to grow up, become more independent, and, one day, leave home.  (And, as sad as that makes me to think about, I really don't think I want a 40 year old son at home with me, sorry Eli!).

Knowing all of this, I've tried to completely and fully enjoy every moment and every stage.  I've tried not to be anxious for the next exciting thing, but to enjoy my son, exactly the way that he is, each day.  This past week has been a reminder of that motto, and a challenge to it.

A week ago today, I sat outside for the graveside services for a former student.  A boy I taught for two years passed away, somewhat unexpectedly.  As his mother sat on the front row, in tears, my heart ached in a way that it never had before.  I thought of the pain she most certainly was going through, completely unable to imagine how much she must hurt.  Her sweet little boy was no longer hers to hold.  I thought about the words to the poem as I rushed home to grab up my sweet little darlin and snuggle him with a new sense of appreciation.  Babies don't keep - nor do we have a say on how long we keep them.

As I mentioned in my last post, the hubs has been gone for over a week.  He's in NC, in the swing of school, and Eli and I will join him next week, when our apartment is ready.  It's been so hard to have him gone.  I have thought of single moms and military wives so many times since he's left, with the utmost respect and awe at what they do.  I am not cut out for either role and praise God, He knows that!  It's been much harder than I thought having JP gone, specifically at night.  In my 8 month update on Eli, I shared that he'd become a champion sleeper - and he had!  For two or three weeks, he went down for naps and bedtime without a glitch, and woke once (sometimes not at all!) in the night.  Well, he got off schedule the day before JP left (because of being at his other grandmas, and a meeting that we had, etc) and has been a bit off ever since.  He's been waking up two and three times a night, and making me crazy (and exhausted).  One night, it took all I had not to call JP and just have him on the phone - someone else to experience the misery.

However, I'm trying to remind myself that "babies don't keep".  Even though the night wakings are sooooo hard, it's precious when I pick up my crying son and he snuggles up to me, as if every care in the world is somehow removed.  It's adorable (though, a bit annoying) when he claps his hands in the night when he can tell I'm fretted with him (because, he's learned it's a surefire way to get me to smile).  Babies don't keep.  And I'm determined to enjoy my sweet little son while he's mine to hold.

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.