I can't think of anything in life more humbling than being a parent. Currently, being a wife and a momma is my full time job, and don't get me wrong, I love it. However, even though there is no job in the world I'd rather do, on days like today, I can't help thinking I stink at it.
Eli is suffering from what is sometimes referred to as 8-10 month old sleep regression. He used to sleep beautifully. If you read his 8 month update, you'll remember that he was putting himself down for all naps and at bedtime, and was sleeping through the night (12 hrs!) with a maximum of one time getting up. It was glorious.
Well, we've been in transition for a while - living at my parents, house sitting for my sister, camping with the fam, JP being at school in Charlotte two weeks without us, staying with friends for two days, and then having an apartment full for a few nights. In short, it's been nuts. And sometime in all this craziness, my sweet little angel of a sleeper has turned into a little night and naptime monster.
He WILL NOT go to sleep on his own, ever, and most nights he's waking up a ton. I think it's a bit of separation anxiety. He FREAKS every single time we put him in his crib. A lot of people have told us to try letting him cry it out, which, I'll be honest, isn't my preference. However, a couple of times, I've HAD to leave him crying, because I've gotten to a point of complete desperation, not knowing what else to do. Even still, my smartypants son figured a way out it. What did he do? Start banging his head against the side of the crib, knowing perfectly well his momma wouldn't be able to stand that and would come to his rescue. Gah!
We've been working on sleep HARD for the past two days - mostly trying to get him back in a good routine with an appropriate quantity of sleep. I want to make sure he's at least well rested, getting his two naps and a good amount of nighttime sleep, before we start working on him getting himself to sleep on his own again. Well, for whatever reason, he's decided that he'll only go to sleep for his daddy. Seriously, I can. not. get that child to go to sleep.
So, JP has successfully gotten him to go down the past few naps and at bedtime last night. Praise the Lord, he slept from 7:30pm - 6am last night, and it was amazing. He also took a nice, two hour nap this morning once JP got him down. However, JP's had to go to school this afternoon. And Eli HAS to be able to sleep for me. But he won't.
It was about time for his afternoon nap. I snuggled him up, and we went into his room. With just a little lamp by his bookshelf, we read a few books, and then I rocked him and sang a bit. After a bit of all this, I decided to put him down. He screamed for 5 minutes, but then stopped and only made sounds every few minutes. Then, even those stopped. I started feeling pretty good, thinking I'd won the battle, and went to peak in on him. He was sitting up playing away in his crib - no sign of sleep at all.
I decided to let him be - he was happy and maybe he'd play himself to sleep. NOPE. He proceeded to get super angry after a while, and made a colossal fuss. After a while, I went in, tried to console him, and eventually we resorted to nursing. I was convinced that this, even though it may be considered "breaking the rules" would calm him enough to go to sleep. Nope. He finished and then started the throw a fit again, rocking didn't work, so back into the crib he went. Now, he's whining/playing/taunting me and making me feel like a terrible and incompetent mother who can't get her kid to sleep.
AHHHH. On days like today I just want to run away, let someone else come in and "fix things" and come back once things are neat, orderly and running smoothly in my household.
Except then, Eli will probably be in college and I'll have missed his whole life.
So, instead of wishing for someone to take away my problems, I will stay and attempt to do the work myself. I'll beg the Lord for strength and patience and wisdom, and pray like crazy. I'm not sure what else to do....
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