Babies Don't Keep

Since having Eli, that poem (Babies Don't Keep) has been somewhat of a motto for living.  Despite the demands of being a wife, mom, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, etc (and, for three months, a teacher too!), I've tried to remind myself that Eli is only a baby for so long.  He's going to grow up, become more independent, and, one day, leave home.  (And, as sad as that makes me to think about, I really don't think I want a 40 year old son at home with me, sorry Eli!).

Knowing all of this, I've tried to completely and fully enjoy every moment and every stage.  I've tried not to be anxious for the next exciting thing, but to enjoy my son, exactly the way that he is, each day.  This past week has been a reminder of that motto, and a challenge to it.

A week ago today, I sat outside for the graveside services for a former student.  A boy I taught for two years passed away, somewhat unexpectedly.  As his mother sat on the front row, in tears, my heart ached in a way that it never had before.  I thought of the pain she most certainly was going through, completely unable to imagine how much she must hurt.  Her sweet little boy was no longer hers to hold.  I thought about the words to the poem as I rushed home to grab up my sweet little darlin and snuggle him with a new sense of appreciation.  Babies don't keep - nor do we have a say on how long we keep them.

As I mentioned in my last post, the hubs has been gone for over a week.  He's in NC, in the swing of school, and Eli and I will join him next week, when our apartment is ready.  It's been so hard to have him gone.  I have thought of single moms and military wives so many times since he's left, with the utmost respect and awe at what they do.  I am not cut out for either role and praise God, He knows that!  It's been much harder than I thought having JP gone, specifically at night.  In my 8 month update on Eli, I shared that he'd become a champion sleeper - and he had!  For two or three weeks, he went down for naps and bedtime without a glitch, and woke once (sometimes not at all!) in the night.  Well, he got off schedule the day before JP left (because of being at his other grandmas, and a meeting that we had, etc) and has been a bit off ever since.  He's been waking up two and three times a night, and making me crazy (and exhausted).  One night, it took all I had not to call JP and just have him on the phone - someone else to experience the misery.

However, I'm trying to remind myself that "babies don't keep".  Even though the night wakings are sooooo hard, it's precious when I pick up my crying son and he snuggles up to me, as if every care in the world is somehow removed.  It's adorable (though, a bit annoying) when he claps his hands in the night when he can tell I'm fretted with him (because, he's learned it's a surefire way to get me to smile).  Babies don't keep.  And I'm determined to enjoy my sweet little son while he's mine to hold.

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

If you're happy and you know it...

Eli is at such a fun age!  He's at a stage where he, near daily, does something new for us to smile and marvel over.  In the past two-three weeks he has learned to army crawl, started crawling off his belly, figured out how to click his tongue and make raspberries (and imitate others who do the same) and he can clap his hands.  More specifically, he claps his hands when I sing "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands."  Seriously.  It is so stinkin' adorable I can hardly handle the preciousness.  It melts my heart every single time. 

He's pretty consistent - does it about 8 times out of 10.  And, I'm going to guess that those other 2 or so times he doesn't do it, he's just not happy.  We can't be happy all the time, right?

Well, if I were doing "If you're happy and you know it", my record would be worse than Eli.  The hubs is away, which makes for a pretty unhappy wife.  I am oh so blessed to be married to my best friend in the entire world.  He was my best friend before we ever started dating, and has been ever since.  No one is as good a companion, and no one "gets me" as much as he does. 

He's in Charlotte two weeks early because our apartment isn't ready yet, but classes have started.  He's staying with the Andersons (who are soooooo nice and gracious to host him) and I'm at my mom and dads.  We're hanging in there, but it sucks.  A lot.  I have no idea how military wives or single moms do it.  Really.

When JP started applying to graduate schools, lots of people asked if I would be joining him.  There was no (thought of) Eli at the time, and people wondered if I would just continue in my job and stay in our place in Cville (or with my folks) and he would go off to whichever school he chose and come home on occasion to visit.  Both JP and I got this question from co-workers, and both of us were puzzled.  Was that really a viable option?  Did people really do that?

For us, it was never a consideration.  JP has been gone since Friday at 7:30am and I've missed him since Friday at 6:00pm (all day my brain kept thinking he wasn't really gone, that he was just at work).  I hate him being away - especially in the evenings, when I just want to cuddle on the couch and talk about our days, or our thoughts.  In moments of weakness I think I won't make it until the 31st (yes, I know I will in fact, survive until then) so I can not fathom doing a long distance marriage for 2 years while he's in school.  YUCK.  No thank you.

Anyhow, I'm glad this is just for two weeks.  Then, my little family will be reunited in Charlotte.  And when I sing "If you're happy and you know it" to Eli, we can both (all three!!) clap our hands!

My 8 month of bundle of joy...

Even without a full-time job outside the home, life is so busy.  I sometimes wonder how I did it all when I was working (the answer to that is, I didn't, and definitely not well).  I still struggle to have time to do things I want to do, like update this here blog.

I've been writing a lot more for Cross Moms - all of my Christmas in July posts are over there.  That series has been such a wonderful blessing to write.  It has kept me in the Word on a more consistent, regular basis, and has taught be SO much about God's character.  If you haven't had a chance to take a look, I'd love for you to pop over and read them.

Anyhow, my writing over there has kept me busy, and with an 8 month old who has now nearly mastered army crawling and needs more constant attention, I have a little less time on my hands.  My wonderful, wonderful husband took a morning off today, and has blessed me with a little bit of time to myself.  I absolutely love spending time with my boys, but it's nice to be able to get away and recharge every once in a while.  After a doctor's appointment, my morning has been spent in the cafe at Barnes and Noble, with a frozen strawberry lemonade, and time to pick out a good book and blog.  So, without further ado, here's a bit of an update on my precious little one and all that's going on in his 8 month old life.

Mobility:  As mentioned, Eli is army crawling and moving like crazy.  You can't take your eye off of him for a minute.  He's curious and into everything.  Both my mom, and a friend who has two daughters told me that their girls were never so wild.  Such is the life with a boy I suppose, and Eli is ALL boy.  He wiggles and squirms and hardly likes to sit still a minute.  He's able to go from sitting to standing on his own (pulling up on things) and can go from sitting to crawling and back to sitting again.  It's been fun to watch all his new moves (though, I honestly wasn't encouraging the crawling, as I knew that would mean the end of life as I know it).

Food:  Eli has been eating solid foods since a little past 6 months.  He has tried avocado, banana, applesauce, pears, plums, carrots, sweet potato, squash, green beans, peas, and, recently, chicken.  He's a great eater and has liked everything except the avocado so far.  Pretty much made all of his food, which hasn't been bad.  He's currently eating two meals a day (breakfast and dinner) and we're planning to add in solids at lunch around 9 months.  We've been taking it slow, and still mostly focusing on nursing at this age.  Speaking of which...

Nursing:  Is still going well.  Since I finished the school year, Eli rarely gets bottles, but he still takes one or two every now and then, and is a champ about going back and forth.  He nurses pretty frequently during the day (3-4 hrs), but only gets up once at night.  The night before last he slept 12 hours straight, which was a first.  He is a very distracted nurser as of late though - he wants to look all over, make faces and noises and ensure that he isn't missing anything.  A few people have asked how long we plan to nurse, and I don't have a definite answer.  Right now, I'm thinking definitely past a year, but I guess the best answer is, as long as we both want to.

Sleep: Is going SOOOOOO well, and I am incredibly thankful.  Sleep hasn't always been easy with Eli, and we were hoping to avoid him having to cry it out for long periods of time, but also wanted to be sure he developed good sleeping habits (including the ability to go to sleep on his own).  I'm happy to report that he regularly, and consistently puts himself to sleep with little to (usually) no tears.  Crying is the exception rather than the rule, and even when he does cry, it's usually just 2-3 minutes, if that.  He puts himself to sleep without any rocking, screaming or even nursing at naps and at night.  It has NOT always been this way, and I am so glad for the progress he's made.  It makes for a much happier household.

Other:  Eli is such a blessing and an amazing source of joy.  I truly can't imagine life without him and am thankful God knew better than our plans.  My life has changed in so many ways and it is better than I could ever imagine.  Sure, we have rough days, money is tight, and there are struggles, but I wouldn't change a thing.  8 months (plus) after his arrival, we are more in love with our little one than we ever thought possible.

The Rest of the Series...

Rather than have them in two places, the rest of the ABC - Christmas in July posts will be over on the Cross Moms blog.  I pray that you would read the entries and that they would bring about a greater appreciation for God's goodness.

D is for... is posted today.  Pop over, read it, and be ready for E tomorrow!

Let's be honest...

People keep asking me how I'm feeling about our upcoming move to Charlotte, if I'm ready, or some similar question about my thoughts on the matter.  Usually, at least in casual conversations, I give a quick, pat answer and avoid delving into the mixture of emotions.  However, I decided this here blog is as good a place as any to disclose the real answers.  It'll be good for me to look back on too.

1.  I am scared. to. death.
I've never lived farther than 40 minutes from all my family.  Even in college my mom worked in the same area, and my sisters and grandparents were a hop, skip and a jump (yes, I'm from the country) away.  Since then, I've developed a wonderful community at Charlottesville Community Church and have the most wonderful, caring, genuine friends and I can't imagine doing life without them.  I am petrified of leaving all of that, plus the little city that JP and I very much love to head to a place that is 4 1/2 hours away, in a city I don't love (yet?) where I know no one.  It's really scary and in most ways, I'm not looking forward to it.  At all.

2.  Discontent
For some reason it's hard for me to write this, but I'm trying to be honest.  We just sold our townhouse - a home that was modern, updated and spacious, in a community that we loved.  We backed to woods, had a lovely playground, enjoyed beautiful hardwoods and granite and had the best neighbors.  We're moving into a significantly smaller apartment (grad school student and stay at home mom budget), and I'm not thrilled about it.  This past weekend we headed down to the Queen City to visit and found two adorable little neighborhoods we would have loved to live in.  Can't afford them.  We also found a smallish but plenty big for the three of us single-family home.  It was in the middle of sketchville/nowhere about 30 minutes from JP's school.  Finally, we settled on a cute little apartment complex.  It's totally fine.  Nice even.  It has a pond, trees, a pool.  It's great. But I am struggling to be content.  I don't like that we're "going backwards" in terms of niceness.  I want to continue to have my nice townhouse while being on an essentially no-income budget.  (I am actively praying against all this, as I recognize that we have been abundantly blessed and provided for and our little apartment will be just fine for our little family of three).

3.  Excited
I realize after those last two paragraphs, excited doesn't quite fit.  I just gave a list of things that make me want to dig in my heals and refuse to ever leave Charlottesville.  Still, the truth is, I am excited.  I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is where God wants us to go.  Sure, it took some reminders from my darling husband this weekend.  But, in my soul, I do know it's His will.  I mean, JP is getting paid (not much at all, but paid) to go grad school.  He's getting a free masters and enough money to pay our insurance and groceries, while going to class.  Because of that, the money we saved for school is available for living expenses and I am able to be home.  In addition, our house sold in just 17 days, and, despite a loss on it, we got what we needed out of the deal.
Before I got pregnant, we decided that we wanted me to be able to stay home with our children while they were little.  We prayed about it and both felt like God confirmed that this was his plan for our family.  When we got the positive test, I was nervous - Eli was unplanned and I didn't see how it would be possible for me to be home until after grad school.  God has clearly, abundantly provided for us, and I know he will continue to do so in Charlotte.  So, I'm excited to see the good things He has in store for us there!

C is for...

Comforter/Compassionate
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those with any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God."
When I was first thinking about this little series and quickly going through the ABCs in my head, comforter was the first C name I thought of for God.  He really is such a source of comfort to us - if only we will let Him!  I often struggle with not inviting God in and allowing to comfort me when I need it.  Instead, I think I have to take care of things myself (at least, that's what I try to do).  I'm going to try to stop doing that and rely on the Father of compassion instead.  He cares about our troubles and our hurts and wants to come alongside us and help with them.


Creator
Genesis 14:19  "And he blessed Abram saying, 'Blessed be Abram by Most High God, creator of Heaven and Earth."
"In the beginning, He created.."  God created all there is and all there will ever be.  My small group at church a few years ago did an apologetic study looking at reasons frequently given for disbelief in God.  To dispute one such reason, the author explained the likelihood of creation coming into existence 'by chance'.  The odds are significantly better that I'd win the lottery than they are for all life-sustaining conditions to be present and then even more unlikely is the chance that "something would happen" to cause this life to be.  It's not chance.  Creation is the result of an amazing creator.  How great is our God?


Close
Psalm 34:18  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
My husband and I have talked frequently about falling into the temptation of believing that God is a distant God.  It's easy to think that He is simply a big God, who set the world in motion and is now far removed from his creation.  Nothing is farther from the truth.  God is relational and cares deeply about us - and he is close.  That overwhelms my heart and mind.  The God of the universe is close to me.  I can hardly wrap my head around it!


Counselor
Isaiah 9:6  "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
This verse gives me a head start on some other names and characteristics of God!  The Holy Spirit is also often referred to as the Counselor - and I'm so grateful God knew us enough to know our need for wise counsel and guidance.  I know that I should certainly seek it more often that I do.  The Bible says "we don't have because we don't ask."  I need to start asking for more counsel from the Lord.


Christ/Crucified
1 Corinthians 2:2 "I resolved to know nothing while I was with you, except Jesus Christ and him crucified."
Jesus is the Christ - the long awaited Messiah.  Of course, I have come to know that he was a different (better) messiah than what was expected by the Jewish people.  While they hoped for one who would come and deliver them from military  and governmental oppression, they received a Christ who is able to save their very souls and deliver them from oppression and bondage to sin.  His crucifixion means that sin is atoned for - the debt is paid - our stains our gone.  Paul is right - knowing Christ and him crucified is enough.  


So - I kind of cheated today with combining a few names - but they went together well and I didn't have a whole lot of time (I do have an almost 8 month old to take care of).  Today I think close and comfort(er) resonated most with me.  As I get ready to move to a new city, with a new and different budget, where I will be at home with my son and won't know anyone, I am terrified (post on that coming soon).  It is wonderful to know that my Almighty Abba Father, who as the Bread of Life is my provision, is close enough to be my compassionate comforter.  

B is for...

This is the second post in my Christmas in July series - looking at the names and characteristics of God by going through the A,B,Cs.  Here is the introduction and explanation, and the first post "A is for..".  Onto the letter B.

I couldn't think of/find as many with the letter B, but the three I did were more than enough.

Bread of Life
John 6:35  "Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in my will never be thirst.'"
I love this!  When I am overwhelmed by life and things like finances (which is what happens when you are on a grad student/stay-at-home mom budget), I need to remind myself that Jesus is my provision, and He is more than enough.  Certainly he is not talking about physical bread here, though he does supply our physical needs.  He is also our bread of life - our provision and portion for salvation.  He meets our deepest needs - our spiritual need for a savior.  


Beautiful
Psalm 27:4  "One thing I ask of the Lord, this only do I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."
I know that I don't understand the beauty of the Lord nearly as well as David did, but I want to.  If I did understand, like him, it would be the thing I sought with my whole self.  He IS beautiful and worthy to be pursued.  The gospel is such a lovely mystery - that God would give his Son for us, despite the messes that we are.  What a beautiful God!


Bountiful
Jeremiah 31:12a "They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; they will rejoice in the bounty of the Lord."
God is such an abundant provider!  Psalm 68:10 says "from your bounty , God, you provided for the poor."  He has so much to offer us out of his bounty.  I am overwhelmed with how he provided for my little family financially (through JP's grad school offer and the sale of our house).  But he provides much more than that.  He is full of grace, mercy, forgiveness and love - ready to rain it down upon those who seek Him.


What an amazing God!  It is such a joy to learn more about Him and reflect on his character.  He is so good!