Today, my 5th graders had their Stepping Up ceremony. I gave speeches, hugged students, was thanked by their parents, and shed tears. It's a hard thing teaching 5th grade. Every year the students I grow to love leave - they head to middle school and I stay here and get ready for the next group. It's hard to watch them grow up. Usually, by the time I see them again, they are wearing makeup, "teenager clothes" and think they are too cool for school. It's sad. I miss the children they were.
This year was a different sort of day. After shedding tears for my departing 5th graders, I returned to my class to spend an hour with with my 4th graders. For the last twenty minutes of the day we did the only appropriate thing for the last day of school - we put on music and DANCED. We were silly, wild and crazy and just had a blast. I also learned a new dance (it's called the Wobble - thanks Nathan!). Then, when they left, one student said, "Mrs. Mays, it really sucks that you're leaving." I cried all over again as I gave them their last hug and saw them our the door.
It was a hard day. I'm so excited to be staying home with my sweet little boy. I'm really looking forward to being there for him, not missing his firsts, and helping to teach him so many of the things he needs to learn, and being a full time mommy. It was challenging this year to be torn between work and home. I wanted, so badly, to be the best at both things I was doing - but, ultimately, felt not quite as good at either
It's going to be hard not to teach - I love what I do. I love getting to know the kiddos, showing them constant love and support, even when they are a mess. I love watching them transform over the course of the year into more mature, studious people. I love seeing a community be built, where learning happens, they can take risks, explore new things and learn more about who they are. I also love being silly, and, sometimes straight ridiculous with them. I love the age group. It's so much fun to inspire them to love learning, and to teach them in fun and innovative ways. It's the best to see their little faces light up with excitement when they learn something new, or to have them say "thank you" after an especially good lesson. I love the "oh, now I get it" moments, when things finally click. It's a wonderful thing to be a part of these kids' lives.
Some of them wrote me really sweet notes (and gave me gift cards to Outback and Sweet Frog - SCORE!). It humbled me to realize that I have made such a difference in their lives. And it saddened me that I won't be doing that next year - I won't get to have this role.
Then I stopped and realized, I WILL have this role. I will get to make the biggest difference in my son's life. If I have to chose a role, I choose that one - a hundred times, and I know I'll never regret my choice.
And if, along the way, there are opportunities to pour into the lives of some others, I will welcome the chance to do this again. But for now, I'm happy to take off my teaching hat, and "just" be mommy :D.
