Intentional parenting

This past Saturday we celebrated our sweet little Eli's first year of life.  It was a busy week, with a wedding, two Thanksgiving celebrations, Black Friday shopping and getting things ready for the party.  With sleep issues (less than an ideal transition) thrown in the mix, it was an exhausting week.  Yesterday was his actual birthday, and, being home, I've had a bit more time to process.

It has been such a crazy year for our family - full of change and transition, as I went back to work after maternity leave, we sold our house and moved into my parents, we moved to Charlotte, and I transitioned to being a stay at home mom.  Each day I see my son learning many new things, which is exciting, but it's humbling to realize I've learned so much more than he has.

I am constantly learning this thing called parenting.  As I think about the mom I've been this past year, and the mom I want to be for the rest of my life, one word comes to mind:  intentional.

This is not a post about breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, disposable vs. cloth diapers, what types of solid foods to feed, or whether the mom should stay at home or continue working.  It's not a plug for a certain book or way of doing things.  It's simply a call to make all parenting choices after careful consideration.

For me, it is so easy to go about life following the status quo - to do things the way I always have.  Change is hard, and I'm much more comfortable just going through the motions and following the norms.  This is one reason I thank God that JP didn't get into UVA.  If he had, we probably would have stayed in Charlottesville, in our house, and I'd be teaching at Red Hill full time (despite my conviction that I should be at home).  That's just the way I am.  I think God didn't let that happen because he knew we needed a little kick in order to change things up.

I'm digressing a little bit, but my point is this:  I want to parent intentionally.  I want to pray about my decisions and follow the Lord's leading to the best of my ability.  I want the foods we eat, the things we do, the vacations we take, and the way we celebrate holidays to be the result of thought and careful consideration.

I've been thinking about the holidays most of all, because, well, we're in them.  I'm trying to think of the traditions I want to create in our family and the ways I want to celebrate different holidays.  Eli is obviously still pretty little, but honestly, that's the best time to start (in my opinion).  Last year I read Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper.  I'm looking forward to reading through it again, as well as considering other ideas, and then settling on what we want to do as a family to celebrate Christmas, Easter, Birthdays and Thanksgiving - as well as our daily "traditions".  It's fun to think of our kiddos coming to love these sweet ways we celebrate.

It's been a good year.  I'm looking forward to intentionally parenting this next one - making the best decisions I can for my family and praying that God will use them to bless our kiddos and draw them close to Him.

On Registries and Baby Things...

A week from Monday my sweet little baby turns a YEAR old.  Where did this year go?  I seems like only a few weeks ago we were bringing him home from the hospital, completely clueless as to how to care for such a little human being.  I remember feeling overwhelmed at the hospital, and shocked that the doctors and nurses were going to allow us to bundle him up and take him home.  They certainly had more confidence in us than I did.

I remember going through pregnancy trying to make all sorts of decisions.  We had to consider a birth plan, how we would feed and diaper our child.  Then, there was the registry, which I felt completely unprepared to complete.

It's different with a wedding registry.  They give you the list of "must haves" and it's not too hard to sort through which items will be essential in your household, and which, quite frankly, you could do without.  With that, I started with a simple rule:  if I've never heard of it, we probably don't need it.  If I've never used it, and my parents have never used it, we probably don't need it.  The wedding registry was fun, and definitely not stressful.

A baby registry, on the other hand, led us into uncharted territory.  We'd never had a baby before, obviously, so we couldn't use my tried and true rule.  In addition to having to sort through the things we may or may not really need, we also had to decide on brands.  So, I did the only thing I could think:  I emailed friends who had little ones already and trusted their wisdom.

Now, oddly enough, people email ME with the same question.  What should I register for?  What is unnecessary?  I've gotten the email enough times that I decided a blog post was in order.  Here are my thoughts on the registering process, the things I think are essential, and what I wish I had done differently.

First piece of advice:  It IS a good idea to email friends, but do not take their word as what will definitely be true for YOUR baby.  Babies are different, and so are their parents.  I recommend emailing friends you feel have similar lifestyles and ideas about parenting.  I also recommend thinking and discussing with your partner the ways you would like to do things and your thoughts and philosophies of parenting and then filter your advice using that model.

I also recommend getting a few different brands of things, and keeping receipts/boxes.  (For example, we got a few types of bottles, but Eli did so well with the Medela ones that we never used the others, and were able to return them).

Top Ten Registry Items (for the Mays family)
1.  A good carrier (we love the Beco Butterfly II).   Eli is almost a year old and we still use this daily for walking our dog, and I also use it for outings (Carter's Mountain, sometimes the mall) general cleaning around the house.  (I vacuumed the entire apartment with him in it the other day), and times when he gets discontent in the stroller.  We love it.  The Baby Bjorn is the more common carrier, and we did like borrowing one from a friend when Eli was really little, but I'm glad we didn't buy one (or, especially, that we didn't buy one brand new.  For $20 more we got a NICE carrier that doesn't hurt my back at all).  This is one of those items that some said we didn't need, but for our lifestyle and ways of parenting, it's been a must have.  (Oh, and we also liked having a Balboa Baby Sling when he was littler).

2.  SwaddleMe Blankets.  SOOOO much better than trying to put Eli in a swaddle with a regular blanket.  He LOVED being swaddled and stayed in swaddles until he was like 6 months old or something.  These were AWESOME.

3.  Good infant carseat.  We got a Graco Snugride 30 and I DON'T love it.  We really wish we had gotten the Chicco KeyFit, so much so that we might get a different carseat whenever we have baby number 2.

4.  A good pump.  We went for the Medela Freestyle and it was AMAZING when I was back at work.  I am so thankful that I always was able to pump enough for Eli, that he always got breast milk even when I was working.  I attribute a lot of that to the pump.  I don't use it too much now, but am still glad to have it in case we need to go out.  It was a lifesaver for the first six months.

5.  Cloth diapers for burp cloths.  Forget the cute ones.  These are way more absorbent.  Definitely the way to go!

6.  Space saver high chair.  Love this.  It goes on a regular chair and takes up way less room than a traditional one.

7.  Books.  My friends did a "book instead of card" shower, and I LOVED getting lots of board books!  We read them allllll the time. (Eli's first word, after dada, was book.  And believe you me, he still requests that we read them several times a day).

8.  Diapers/wipes.  It was nice not to have to buy these for a while.  I realllllly wish we had registered for cloth diapers though, since we did end up making the switch when Eli was about 2 1/2 months old.

9.  Frame stroller and a jogging (or, three wheeled, all terrain stroller).   Almost everyone recommended getting the travel system, which, we did.  I haven't been happy with it at all.  I really wish we had gotten a frame stroller for the carseat, and a jogging stroller for later.  I do also have an umbrella stroller that we use quite a bit these days.  It's nice because I don't even put it down most of the time, just throw it in the back of our Subaru.  But, if I need to, I can take it down easily and it's super compact.  I have big regrets about our stroller.

10.  Convertible Carseat.  We had enough credit for about half the cost of the next size carseat, but if we had done things slightly different with our registry, might could have had enough for the whole thing (I know friends who have gotten this larger item at showers).  We have the Britax Marathon 70 and like it a lot so far!  (Though Eli has only been in it for a few weeks)

Borrow (if possible) 
1.  Swing.  We were able to borrow one from a dear friend.  While I don't know that we could have done without it, I'm so grateful we could borrow and not buy it.  It would take up soooo much space in our little apartment to store.

2.  Exercaucer.  Another big thing that takes up lots of space.  It IS a great toy and keeps them contained, but is SO big and not used for that long.

3.  Activity mat.  We were given ours at a shower, and Eli loved it, but just for a short time.  I don't think it's a necessary purchase if a friend has one and their kid isn't using it.

Items we could have easily done without
1.  Boppy pillow.  Totally unnecessary in my opinion.  I nursed Eli laying down a lot of the time, and when I was sitting, I found the Boppy still wasn't something we needed.  Since we had it, he did use it some for tummy time, but it is something we certainly could have done without.

2.  Boucy seat or Bumbo.  We were given both, but we took them both back because Eli HATED them.  He ALWAYS screamed when put in either of these, so we took them back to the store.  It may  be good to borrow, at least to see if baby likes it.

So, those are my thoughts.  I'd love to hear if people have different ideas/opinions.  Is something on my list something that your kiddo didn't like/need?  Or was one of Eli's non needed items essential in your family?  It is always so interesting to me how different kiddos are!