Yesterday I was on the phone someone from church - someone I don't know at all (I was speaking with him about serving on his ministry team). Over the course of our conversation, I shared some basic life information with him - "Back in Charlottesville, I was a teacher for four years, but now I stay at home with our one year old son." His response was immediate "My condolences".
I'm sure it was a joke, or at least an attempt at one. Perhaps I should even be pleased that his statement means he recognizes what I do isn't always easy - that I don't sit around eating bonbons and reading magazines all day. But, his response didn't have that affect. It saddened my mama heart.
Condolences are what you give when a loved one passes away, or when a friend is experiencing great loss. They are an expression of sympathy when someone is experiencing pain. None of these things are relevant to me as a stay at home mom.
Some might say I took his comment too seriously, or that it wasn't a big deal. But I think it IS a VERY big deal. It seems as if this man's attitude is far too common in society - this idea that being around children so much is burdensome, that someone in this role is to be pitied. I've gotten this outright from people: "I could never stay home", and in subtle messages in our culture. Most recently, I noticed the words in the Christmas carol - "and moms and dads can hardly wait for school to start again." Why? To have the children out of their hair?
I'm not trying to pretend that it's puppies and roses for me all the time as I'm at home with Eli. I also don't want to act as though I know it all when I only have one child, who has just passed the one year mark. Sure, there are days that I know that being in a job would be far easier (and I imagine those days will only increase as Eli enters toddlerhood and whenever the Mays family grows).
However, I am absolutely, 100% certain that children are a blessing. I've experienced it first hand, and God's word says so: "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3. They bring smiles, laughter and immeasurable joy and they also bring opportunities to grow and be molded into the image of Christ. Eli has humbled me (like this morning when he was crawling all over us in bed after he nursed, and he spit up ALLLLL over my face and in my hair). He has taught me to be more patient and more selfless. He has given me a whole new understanding and appreciation for unconditional love.
So, I don't need condolences. Not at all. Call me crazy, but this mama wants a house full of children and is seriously contemplating homeschooling. I thank God all the time for the amazing gift and blessing that He has given me in my son, and for the opportunity to be at home with him each day. Life is good. Messy, exhausting, and trying at times. But so good.
3 comments:
Amen. Amen over and over again!
Beautifully written! I love your writing and your beautiful heart for motherhood.
So well written. When my oldest was just one we moved to a new church and I felt shunned by the other young mothers since I was a SAH mom. But I think they may have just been jealous. I am not a full time SAH mom any more. But I do try to do most all of my part time work while my boys are in school so I can be there for them when they get home. And funny you would mention that Christmas carol. That same phrase has jumped out at me over and over again this year and saddened my heart so much each time. Unfortunately, "as goes the family so goes our society." And I see that SO much in the lives of the teens we work with at church. Continue to count your blessings to have the privilege to be a SAH mom. Your family will reap the benefits! You are to be admired!
I love this!! Thanks for sharing. And, I BUSTED out laughing at the spit up part...Brady has done the same thing, and it's usually after I just change our sheets. They just always seem to know those thing... :)
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