No need for condolences.

Last night I was up long after the lights were turned out and my (still tired) husband had fallen asleep.  I was thinking about a conversation I'd had earlier in the evening.  I thought about the way I was caught off guard, and about the reply I wish I'd given.  I was thinking about this blog post.

Yesterday I was on the phone someone from church - someone I don't know at all (I was speaking with him about serving on his ministry team).  Over the course of our conversation, I shared some basic life information with him - "Back in Charlottesville, I was a teacher for four years, but now I stay at home with our one year old son."  His response was immediate "My condolences".

I'm sure it was a joke, or at least an attempt at one.  Perhaps I should even be pleased that his statement means he recognizes what I do isn't always easy - that I don't sit around eating bonbons and reading magazines all day.  But, his response didn't have that affect.  It saddened my mama heart.

Condolences are what you give when a loved one passes away, or when a friend is experiencing great loss.  They are an expression of sympathy when someone is experiencing pain.  None of these things are relevant to me as a stay at home mom.

Some might say I took his comment too seriously, or that it wasn't a big deal.  But I think it IS a VERY big deal.  It seems as if this man's attitude is far too common in society - this idea that being around children so much is burdensome, that someone in this role is to be pitied.  I've gotten this outright from people: "I could never stay home", and in subtle messages in our culture.  Most recently, I noticed the words in the Christmas carol - "and moms and dads can hardly wait for school to start again."  Why?  To have the children out of their hair?

I'm not trying to pretend that it's puppies and roses for me all the time as I'm at home with Eli.  I also don't want to act as though I know it all when I only have one child, who has just passed the one year mark.  Sure, there are days that I know that being in a job would be far easier (and I imagine those days will only increase as Eli enters toddlerhood and whenever the Mays family grows).

However, I am absolutely, 100% certain that children are a blessing.  I've experienced it first hand, and God's word says so:  "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3.  They bring smiles, laughter and immeasurable joy and they also bring opportunities to grow and be molded into the image of Christ.  Eli has humbled me (like this morning when he was crawling all over us in bed after he nursed, and he spit up ALLLLL over my face and in my hair).  He has taught me to be more patient and more selfless.  He has given me a whole new understanding and appreciation for unconditional love.

So, I don't need condolences.  Not at all.  Call me crazy, but this mama wants a house full of children and is seriously contemplating homeschooling.  I thank God all the time for the amazing gift and blessing that He has given me in my son, and for the opportunity to be at home with him each day.  Life is good.  Messy, exhausting, and trying at times.  But so good.

Intentional parenting

This past Saturday we celebrated our sweet little Eli's first year of life.  It was a busy week, with a wedding, two Thanksgiving celebrations, Black Friday shopping and getting things ready for the party.  With sleep issues (less than an ideal transition) thrown in the mix, it was an exhausting week.  Yesterday was his actual birthday, and, being home, I've had a bit more time to process.

It has been such a crazy year for our family - full of change and transition, as I went back to work after maternity leave, we sold our house and moved into my parents, we moved to Charlotte, and I transitioned to being a stay at home mom.  Each day I see my son learning many new things, which is exciting, but it's humbling to realize I've learned so much more than he has.

I am constantly learning this thing called parenting.  As I think about the mom I've been this past year, and the mom I want to be for the rest of my life, one word comes to mind:  intentional.

This is not a post about breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, disposable vs. cloth diapers, what types of solid foods to feed, or whether the mom should stay at home or continue working.  It's not a plug for a certain book or way of doing things.  It's simply a call to make all parenting choices after careful consideration.

For me, it is so easy to go about life following the status quo - to do things the way I always have.  Change is hard, and I'm much more comfortable just going through the motions and following the norms.  This is one reason I thank God that JP didn't get into UVA.  If he had, we probably would have stayed in Charlottesville, in our house, and I'd be teaching at Red Hill full time (despite my conviction that I should be at home).  That's just the way I am.  I think God didn't let that happen because he knew we needed a little kick in order to change things up.

I'm digressing a little bit, but my point is this:  I want to parent intentionally.  I want to pray about my decisions and follow the Lord's leading to the best of my ability.  I want the foods we eat, the things we do, the vacations we take, and the way we celebrate holidays to be the result of thought and careful consideration.

I've been thinking about the holidays most of all, because, well, we're in them.  I'm trying to think of the traditions I want to create in our family and the ways I want to celebrate different holidays.  Eli is obviously still pretty little, but honestly, that's the best time to start (in my opinion).  Last year I read Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper.  I'm looking forward to reading through it again, as well as considering other ideas, and then settling on what we want to do as a family to celebrate Christmas, Easter, Birthdays and Thanksgiving - as well as our daily "traditions".  It's fun to think of our kiddos coming to love these sweet ways we celebrate.

It's been a good year.  I'm looking forward to intentionally parenting this next one - making the best decisions I can for my family and praying that God will use them to bless our kiddos and draw them close to Him.

On Registries and Baby Things...

A week from Monday my sweet little baby turns a YEAR old.  Where did this year go?  I seems like only a few weeks ago we were bringing him home from the hospital, completely clueless as to how to care for such a little human being.  I remember feeling overwhelmed at the hospital, and shocked that the doctors and nurses were going to allow us to bundle him up and take him home.  They certainly had more confidence in us than I did.

I remember going through pregnancy trying to make all sorts of decisions.  We had to consider a birth plan, how we would feed and diaper our child.  Then, there was the registry, which I felt completely unprepared to complete.

It's different with a wedding registry.  They give you the list of "must haves" and it's not too hard to sort through which items will be essential in your household, and which, quite frankly, you could do without.  With that, I started with a simple rule:  if I've never heard of it, we probably don't need it.  If I've never used it, and my parents have never used it, we probably don't need it.  The wedding registry was fun, and definitely not stressful.

A baby registry, on the other hand, led us into uncharted territory.  We'd never had a baby before, obviously, so we couldn't use my tried and true rule.  In addition to having to sort through the things we may or may not really need, we also had to decide on brands.  So, I did the only thing I could think:  I emailed friends who had little ones already and trusted their wisdom.

Now, oddly enough, people email ME with the same question.  What should I register for?  What is unnecessary?  I've gotten the email enough times that I decided a blog post was in order.  Here are my thoughts on the registering process, the things I think are essential, and what I wish I had done differently.

First piece of advice:  It IS a good idea to email friends, but do not take their word as what will definitely be true for YOUR baby.  Babies are different, and so are their parents.  I recommend emailing friends you feel have similar lifestyles and ideas about parenting.  I also recommend thinking and discussing with your partner the ways you would like to do things and your thoughts and philosophies of parenting and then filter your advice using that model.

I also recommend getting a few different brands of things, and keeping receipts/boxes.  (For example, we got a few types of bottles, but Eli did so well with the Medela ones that we never used the others, and were able to return them).

Top Ten Registry Items (for the Mays family)
1.  A good carrier (we love the Beco Butterfly II).   Eli is almost a year old and we still use this daily for walking our dog, and I also use it for outings (Carter's Mountain, sometimes the mall) general cleaning around the house.  (I vacuumed the entire apartment with him in it the other day), and times when he gets discontent in the stroller.  We love it.  The Baby Bjorn is the more common carrier, and we did like borrowing one from a friend when Eli was really little, but I'm glad we didn't buy one (or, especially, that we didn't buy one brand new.  For $20 more we got a NICE carrier that doesn't hurt my back at all).  This is one of those items that some said we didn't need, but for our lifestyle and ways of parenting, it's been a must have.  (Oh, and we also liked having a Balboa Baby Sling when he was littler).

2.  SwaddleMe Blankets.  SOOOO much better than trying to put Eli in a swaddle with a regular blanket.  He LOVED being swaddled and stayed in swaddles until he was like 6 months old or something.  These were AWESOME.

3.  Good infant carseat.  We got a Graco Snugride 30 and I DON'T love it.  We really wish we had gotten the Chicco KeyFit, so much so that we might get a different carseat whenever we have baby number 2.

4.  A good pump.  We went for the Medela Freestyle and it was AMAZING when I was back at work.  I am so thankful that I always was able to pump enough for Eli, that he always got breast milk even when I was working.  I attribute a lot of that to the pump.  I don't use it too much now, but am still glad to have it in case we need to go out.  It was a lifesaver for the first six months.

5.  Cloth diapers for burp cloths.  Forget the cute ones.  These are way more absorbent.  Definitely the way to go!

6.  Space saver high chair.  Love this.  It goes on a regular chair and takes up way less room than a traditional one.

7.  Books.  My friends did a "book instead of card" shower, and I LOVED getting lots of board books!  We read them allllll the time. (Eli's first word, after dada, was book.  And believe you me, he still requests that we read them several times a day).

8.  Diapers/wipes.  It was nice not to have to buy these for a while.  I realllllly wish we had registered for cloth diapers though, since we did end up making the switch when Eli was about 2 1/2 months old.

9.  Frame stroller and a jogging (or, three wheeled, all terrain stroller).   Almost everyone recommended getting the travel system, which, we did.  I haven't been happy with it at all.  I really wish we had gotten a frame stroller for the carseat, and a jogging stroller for later.  I do also have an umbrella stroller that we use quite a bit these days.  It's nice because I don't even put it down most of the time, just throw it in the back of our Subaru.  But, if I need to, I can take it down easily and it's super compact.  I have big regrets about our stroller.

10.  Convertible Carseat.  We had enough credit for about half the cost of the next size carseat, but if we had done things slightly different with our registry, might could have had enough for the whole thing (I know friends who have gotten this larger item at showers).  We have the Britax Marathon 70 and like it a lot so far!  (Though Eli has only been in it for a few weeks)

Borrow (if possible) 
1.  Swing.  We were able to borrow one from a dear friend.  While I don't know that we could have done without it, I'm so grateful we could borrow and not buy it.  It would take up soooo much space in our little apartment to store.

2.  Exercaucer.  Another big thing that takes up lots of space.  It IS a great toy and keeps them contained, but is SO big and not used for that long.

3.  Activity mat.  We were given ours at a shower, and Eli loved it, but just for a short time.  I don't think it's a necessary purchase if a friend has one and their kid isn't using it.

Items we could have easily done without
1.  Boppy pillow.  Totally unnecessary in my opinion.  I nursed Eli laying down a lot of the time, and when I was sitting, I found the Boppy still wasn't something we needed.  Since we had it, he did use it some for tummy time, but it is something we certainly could have done without.

2.  Boucy seat or Bumbo.  We were given both, but we took them both back because Eli HATED them.  He ALWAYS screamed when put in either of these, so we took them back to the store.  It may  be good to borrow, at least to see if baby likes it.

So, those are my thoughts.  I'd love to hear if people have different ideas/opinions.  Is something on my list something that your kiddo didn't like/need?  Or was one of Eli's non needed items essential in your family?  It is always so interesting to me how different kiddos are!

One month away from a year!

Eli will 11 months tomorrow.  He is ONE MONTH away from a year, and is birthday party is a month from yesterday.  This year has gone by so so fast, and I've tried to enjoy every single minute of it.

Sometimes, I get teary eyed thinking about how much he's changed.  The background on my cell phone is a picture of me holding Eli on the day he was born.  It blows my mind how much he's changed.  The little (big) 9lb baby, who would only sleep on our arms, nursed constantly and could be left laying just about anywhere has been replaced by a baby who, honestly, looks more and more like a little boy every day.  He sleeps a solid 12 hrs every night, goes down like a champ, is constantly on the move and is into EVERYTHING.  I haven't tried to rush through any of his stages.  The words "I'll be glad when he..." are not a part of our vocabulary.  Each day with that sweet sweet boy is such a blessing.  And as much as I sometimes miss my snuggly child, I'm really enjoying him just as he is.

At 11 months Eli:
- can say a few words!!!  He says Mama and Dada (still not 100% sure if he knows what he's saying), Mum Mum, book (without the k sound) and duck (again, it sounds like duck without the k sound).  For all three of those he definitely knows what they mean!  It's so neat that he's starting to (verbally) communicate with us!
- LOVES to read.  We seriously read a dozen books a day, at least.  He loves to turn the pages, so we only read board books for now, and he will hold them up and say "book" to request a reading.  It's adorable.  Sometimes when we're in his room playing he'll crawl over to my lap and say "book".  Melt. my. heart.  I love it.
- is really into making messes!  Some of his favorite things to do are pulling down all the board books from his shelf (every. last. one), throwing all the toys out of his pack n play, and opening his dresser drawers and tossing his clothes on the floor.  Yep - these things spell fun.  Sometimes it can be slightly annoying, but really, I don't mind too much.  He's just so stinkin cute.
- has developed a wonderful relationship with his Dada.  They walk Ollie together and play together regularly.  When JP gets home, Eli is so excited and reaches for him almost immediately.  It makes this Mama so happy to see and hear her boys playing together, laughing and enjoying one another so much.
- crawls everywhere.  He follows me around the house and is QUICK.  He also pulls up on everything and can stand using a wall.  He also cruises on furniture!  Walking may not be too far away (though we're not in any hurry)
- sleeps and naps like a little champ!
- likes to snuggle in the mornings and when he first wakes up from a nap.  It's usually just for a few minutes but we soak it all in - most of the day he wants to move and play on his own (unless he's sitting in our laps for a story).

And, at 11 months, Eli brings us more joy than we could have ever dreamed.  He is such a wonderful blessing and we thank God for him daily!

I want to be just like her....

This article  sparked an excellent conversation between the hubs and I last night.  (Unfortunately, the conversation began at 11:45pm and we didn't get to sleep until after 1:30am, which means for droopy eyes and a bit of a headache this morning - sigh.)  It was a good conversation nonetheless.

I have wonderful friends who are also fantastic wives and mothers.  In many of them, I see particular giftings.

One of my friends is an excellent writer (seriously, you should check our her blog, free book, and the book that will be published soon).  Her home is also beautiful.  It makes me feel like I'm stepping into a copy of Southern Living every time I enter its doors.

I have another friend who is always oh so put together.  Her hair is styled regularly, and she has an uncanny ability to make it look like the hairdresser does every. single. day.  She also has a super cute wardrobe, is great with makeup and is always coordinated and fashionable.  (My hair looks styled the 2-3 times a year it gets cut, and no one would ever, EVER call my wardrobe fashionable).

A third friend is a fabulous cook and is also incredibly healthy.  The meals she feeds her husband and son are usually made from scratch, using wholesome, organic ingredients.  She is excellent about doing research and making informed decisions regarding the health and well being of her son and family.

I could continue making lists of my friends and their awesomeness, but I'll stop.  You get the point.  I have friends that are incredibly successful in prestigious careers, friends that are insanely fit physically, etc etc.  And that's all wonderful (I am friends with some pretty fabulous people).

The problem is, I've got this other friend, who, really, is more of a foe.  She's a magnificent writer with a spotless, uncluttered, beautifully decorated home.  She is lean and incredibly fit, great at a plethora of sports.  However, she doesn't hang out in her gym clothes, but rocks a fashionable wardrobe, always put together with the right clothes, accessories, shoes and her hair and makeup are flawless.  She cooks healthy and delicious meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Her kids all slept through the night at 6 weeks old and are happy all the time - as is her husband.  And, why wouldn't they be.  He has the perfect wife and the children have a perfect mom.  Except, THIS PERSON DOESN'T EXIST.

I have this tendency to take all the awesomeness of every wife, mom and friend I know, put it all together, and create this super wife/mom/woman.  Then, I strive to be just. like. her.  Except I can't, and neither can she, because there is no such thing.

Instead of striving after a fictitious model, I need to do a better job of looking to Christ.  As the writer of the aforementioned article stated, my job description is to love God, love my husband and love my child and point him to Jesus.  I need to seek His guidance for things like how and what to feed my family, and how to spend our time.  I need to do what He calls me to do, and stop trying to be who he has made everyone else.  I need to rest in Him, and stop worrying and fretting about if I'm getting this whole thing right.

Does anyone else think that is SOOOO much easier said than done??

Right where I'm supposed to be

On Saturday I wrote about how I love my life and it's true, I do.  However, lest you think it's all butterflies and roses, I thought I should mention that, well, it's not.

A lot of my life is spent in the mundane.  I change diapers and clothes and wash them, along with all the other laundry.  I go to the grocery store, cook and clean.  I am in the house apartment for most of the day because a certain someone needs his morning and afternoon nap and, since it's just me and the munchkin, a lot of days are spent in pjs and workout clothes (and no, that doesn't mean I'm getting in great workouts during the naps). The majority of my days are not glamorous.  Actually, in all honesty, I wouldn't know glamorous if it hit me in the face.  

Today, I missed teaching.  Like, really missed it.  I missed getting up, getting dressed and heading off to a (semi) professional environment.  I missed walking around my classroom facilitating learning.  I missed asking kids questions to get them thinking about things differently, and helping light bulbs go off in their heads.  I missed collaborating with my coworkers to plan fantastic lessons - the kinds of lessons that my students would talk about, even after they left my class.  Believe it or not, I even missed faculty meetings - interacting with other teachers, sitting and taking notes and eating chocolate.  

In addition to missing teaching, I also started to fantasize about being a career business person (for both the excitement of the job, and the financial security that would come with it).  I  dreamed of being this business lady - you know, the kind that wears the super put together, business suits with splashes of color (and doesn't get spit/drooled/peed on), heels and jewelry (as in that stuff your kid pulls at all the time) and heads to an office (think the skyscrapers that adorn Uptown Charlotte).  I'd stop at a quaint coffee shop for a beverage and pastry before rushing to get to a meeting on time.  Then on my lunch break (I've never had one of those before!) I'd go with a friend to a fancy clothing store and get a cute dress for a work function that was coming up, and then get to go from a sandwich place around the corner.  It'd be grand.

Eventually, I snapped out of it and came back to reality.  Even for all the glamour, financial security and prestige, I wouldn't trade places with "that girl" who has that career business life.  I wouldn't even go back in the classroom.  My life might be full of mundane, and many might call it simple, but it's good.  I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be - in my home, taking care of my family.

Today I didn't do anything fancy. I went to the grocery store today and made my husband's dinner tonight.  There is apple crisp baking the oven.  My apartment is not a wreck and I spent all day with my son.  It might not have included a business suit, heels, jewelry, or clothes shopping, but it's been a good day and I am thankful, even for time to do the mundane.

I love my life!

Lately, I have struggled a lot with contentment.  It's difficult to be in a new city, especially one that I wasn't excited about moving to from the beginning, as a new mom who is at home with a 10 month old most of the day every day.  It's been a challenge to adjust to a (much) smaller place and to go from owning a townhouse to renting an apartment.  I also haven't loved JP being on a student schedule.  I know that, in reality, I'm tremendously blessed in so many ways.  But often, I struggle to see that.

Well, I saw it today.

Today was what JP and I jokingly referred to as my "spoil" day.  A few weeks ago, we were talking about me being at home, and he said he felt like he was getting spoiled with lots of yummy meals, a clean house, his lunch being made, etc.  I jokingly asked when I get to be spoiled and we decided I could have a "spoil" day for my birthday.  My parents were in town on my actual birthday, and then we were both getting ready for trips out of town, so today was the big day.

JP asked me what I wanted to do and said that anything I wanted (well, within budgetary limitations) was fair game.  I could get out for some shopping, get a pedicure, he'd cook every meal and do all the dishes - the sky was the limit.

I pondered for a while, trying to think of what to do to get the most out of the day (I mean, how often does an offer like this come around?).  I settled on a just a few small things pretty quickly - I wanted an uninterrupted night's sleep, complete with the ability to sleep in (ie. JP give Eli a bottle when he woke) and JP to cook/clean dinner (stir fry).  I decided to play the rest of the day by ear.

I went to sleep around midnight last night, and woke up around 5:45 puzzled that Eli hadn't gotten up (since he went down at 6:45).  I tossed and turned until 6:30, waiting for him to get up to eat, but he never did.  Even though I didn't have to feed him, I wanted to.  This surprised me.  The sleep that I had longed for didn't seem as important when I really wanted to snuggle my little munchkin.

Eli slept extra late (8:30!) and I did feed him when I got up (a little before 9).  Then, I went to a weight watchers meeting solo and came home.  JP said he was about to put him to bed, and I jumped in, offering to do it.

Once he went down for the nap, the hubs inquired as to what I'd decided to do - the shopping trip?  a pedicure?  what.  Instead of some "time away", I opted for lunch at Chipotle, with my boys, and then some frozen yogurt.  We took a stroll through the park, and sat on a rock to eat the yogurt, while Eli enjoyed crawling through the grass.  We came home, and all three went down for an afternoon nap.  Then, JP made dinner while I worked on organizing some photos.

It hasn't been a glamorous day, and really, it hasn't been much different than how lots of days are spent, except having JP around more and his cooking/cleaning.  But, honestly, I didn't want it to be much different.  I love my life.  I love my husband so much, and I adore our sweet little boy.  I enjoy being with them more than anything in the world, and there is nothing else I'd really prefer to do.  Even on my spoil day.

(Disclaimer:  Since it was my "spoil" day, I may have sent JP to the grocery store for some white cheddar popcorn.....)

On training a child and raising a dog, I mean....

training a dog and raising a child.  Really, it sometimes feels like it's all the same.  (At least, it does for right now).

When we decided to sell our house at the end of March, our realtor strongly suggested finding a place for Ollie for while it was on the market.  Her reasoning made a lot of sense - it's hard enough to keep a house show-ready with a baby, much less a 75lb dog, plus, not everyone is a dog lover, and some people have it made up in their minds that they don't want to live in a house after a dog has.

So, Ollie went and stayed with my parents, on their 110 acres.  He and their dog, a german shepherd named Athena, were able to run freely through open fields, explore in the woods, and take a dip in the creek, all at their leisure.  They slept in the garage and were, basically, outdoor dogs by day.

Ollie loved it.  He ended up being there from the very end of March, until September 5th, when we moved into our apartment, since the whole Mays clan was there after the house sold.  Now, he's gone from having free reign of 110 acres, to having less than 1000 square feet.

I have to be honest, I was not excited to be transitioning back to apartment life after owning our own townhouse and then living at my parents.  I also have to be honest about saying a few times that the apartment is "too small for a married couple, a child and a 75lb dog".  My wonderful husband lovingly reminded me that people all over the world, with bigger families, live in much smaller spaces.  He also reminded me of some dear friends we have that live in a small 2 bedroom 1 bathroom house with their THREE children and dog about the size of Ollie.  We DO NOT need more space.  That is the great American lie.  We can do just fine with far less than we think.

Anyhow, it's been fine being back in a smaller space (even with my folks coming and staying with us for a few days), but it's still a challenge living with a dog and baby who aren't so used to interacting.  It's not that they want to hurt each other, but they don't realize that they have sharp claws, or that they shouldn't pull tails.  I feel like a constant referee, Ollie, "don't lick Eli", "Eli don't lick Ollie" (sadly, that isn't a joke).  I have to be sure Ollie doesn't go to scratch his nose and puncture Eli in the process, or that Eli doesn't pounce on Ollie and decide to pull out a bit of hair for an afternoon snack.  It can certainly be exhausting.

However, we've learned little things to help make the adjustment better.  Ollie isn't allowed in Eli's room, which makes it easier for E to play on the floor without me having to interfere as much.  When I have to go into the kitchen or bathroom, into the pack n play Eli goes.  We're getting there...

But today, I found myself using a dog trick on Eli.  He was headed to the shoes, which are his favorite chew toy (see why I get them confused??) and I wanted him to keep away from the shoes and come back to where I was, without my having to get up from my food.  So, what'd I do?  I called him "Eli, come get this" and I threw a gourd from my table arrangement on the floor.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I resorted to throwing things (gourds, no less) for Eli (yes, the child, not the dog) to come fetch.  Then, when Ollie came running after it, I said "not you Ollijah".  Oh dear.

Really and truly though, Ollie is a wonderful dog, who lets Eli play with him and never seems to mind being crawled over.  Eli LOVES Ollie and enjoys chasing him around the apartment.  They are ridiculously cute together, and are sure to become the best of pals.  Even if they end up driving their mama a little nuts in the process :)

Goodnight Moon, I love you...

I mentioned in my last post that Eli has become a sleeping star over the last week.  In the last 7 days, he's gotten up in the night ONE night, ONE time.  But that doesn't include tonight.

Tonight, about 2 hours after going down, he woke up.  We knew he wasn't hungry, but were confused as to why he was so stinkin mad.  Well, after about 5 - 10 minutes, JP went in.  The verdict:  a dirty diaper.  Our kiddo hate, hate, HATES a messy diaper.  Always has.  So we realized that's why he'd woken up and daddy changed him.  However, the other thing about Eli is he gets soooooo mad about being awake when he's tired and should be sleeping.  So, after the diaper change, he continued to be super cranky - NOTHING would calm him down.

Well, even though it wasn't bedtime, I decided to try what's been working.  I grabbed "old faithful" (aka we read "Goodnight Moon").  Eli LOVES Goodnight Moon (thanks Sol and Andres!).  That and Big Red Barn are two bedtime favorites.  It's funny, some books make Eli crazy.  He tries to turn the pages and slam the book shut, or just sort of wiggles about.  Goodnight Moon is like a darn tranquilizer!  It settles him down. every. single. time.  So, we read the book, I told him goodnight and laid him in his crib.

And, just like that, before I could get to the monitor, the kid was asleep.

Thank you Goodnight Moon.

Eli update (sleeping, eating and MOVING)

Eli is doing really really well and I am so thankful.  I feel like I've got my sweet darling baby back!

Sleep Uppdate
Last week, Eli was still struggling with his ridiculous sleep issues (fighting sleep soooooo bad, and then waking up like 6 times a night).  On top of being lonely and homesick, I was exhausted from battling a baby about sleep all. day. and all. night.

This week, he's like a different kid.  He's slept 11-12 hours the 4 nights out of the past 5.  He's going down for naps like a champ.  Sometimes, he doesn't cry at all, but when he does it lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to 2-3 minutes - max.  I'm thankful that a few little changes (getting back to diligence about his bedtime/naptime, starting a more consistent routine, letting him have his "lovey" to sleep with, etc) seemed to do the trick.  We also started waking him up if he slept too long for a nap, or, the hardest, if he slept past 7:30 in the morning.  Even though it was/is hard to not enjoy it and sleep in ourselves, getting him up by 7:30 makes soooo much difference for keeping his naps in check.  (And, when he goes to bed around 7 at night, he wakes up happy when we go in to get him).  When we let him sleep too late, he becomes a little mess.

Together, JP and I decided that extinction method of cry it out just wasn't for us.  I had considered the "No Cry Sleep Solution", but a lot of the reviews said it encouraged rocking to sleep and gently placing in the crib, cosleeping, etc.  We had an Arm's Reach cosleeper in our room for the first 4 months, which we loved, but we weren't really interested in cosleeping and we wanted our son to develop the ability to put himself to sleep.  We decided to look into the "Goodnight Sleep Tight:  The Sleep Lady Shuffle" book.  I only really read the info on the good habits to have in place before sleep training and decided to do make sure we doing all those things for a week, and have it on a log before starting training.  I am grateful that we didn't have to even do the "shuffle" part after we tweaked some of these things!  I'm happy to have my sleeper back, and to not be fighting battles with him day and night.

Eating
Eli is still on mostly purees, which is his preference.  I make them all homemade and we are gradually introducing in some textures (ie. quinoa, chicken, egg, etc), but he only eats these things if they're mixed in with other things.  He's SUCH a great eater - he will still eat anything except avocado.  Some new things he's tried recently include cauliflower and quinoa - both of which have been hits.  He usually eats some yogurt, oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, and a few veggies with a protein for dinner.  We're only on two meals still, which his doctor was fine with.  When I eat lunch, I give him some Baby Mum Mums, which he loves.

He is also still nursing.  He usually nurses 4 times a day (approximately 7, 11, 3 and 6:45ish).  If he wakes in the night around 3, I feed him, but that rarely happens these days.  He seems to have dropped that on his own.  People still ask me sometimes when I plan to stop nursing him and the answer remains - when we're ready.  I'm guessing it'll be a while past a year.  We'll see.

Mobility
He is still crawling all over the place, and standing up all the time.  He can now go to standing even without pulling up on something.  He can stand using the wall or a window - just using them to steady himself as he gets up.  He has also started this ridiculously precious thing where he follows me when I leave a room.  Yesterday we were in his room playing and I changed his diaper.  I walked to his bathroom to put it in the pail and he crawled right behind me, into the bathroom.  It was so stinkin cute. He also loves to chase Ollie all over the apartment, which is similarly precious.  Those two are going to be good pals :).

He will also crawl over to me, or up into my lap when he is tired (or, if I'm sitting on a chair he crawls over and reaches up to me).  Once in my lap he squirms and fusses a little bit, looking at me as if to say "Mommy, fix me."  I know that means he needs a nap, so we start the sleep routine (paci in, read a book or two, noise machine on, rock for 2-3 min while I sing or pray with him, put in the crib while he's still awake).

I love that things are going so well with him.  In other news, we went to our first MOPS meeting yesterday and are having a playdate with someone from the group next Tuesday.  I am soooo excited.  It's been lonely here and I'm really looking forward to making some friends.

Charlotte Week 1 Recap

So, I've been in Charlotte about a week and a half, but tomorrow marks one week of it being "just the three of us" here in our own apartment.  I don't think I'm being dramatic when I say it's been the hardest week I can remember in a long time.  For someone who has never lived more than 30 minutes from her hometown and family, this is a big deal.  I thought I'd document some of the good (because, there IS good in this) and the bad of the experience so far.

In order to end on a good note, let's start with the bad:

- It is SOOOOO hard to be a stay at home mom in a brand new city, especially when your husband is an insanely busy graduate student.  Not only are most of my days spent with a 9 month old and a dog, my nights are lonely too.  Two nights this week, the hubs didn't get home until after midnight (stupid A-school deadlines) and the nights he was here, he was slammed with reading and assignments, so it was still pretty lonely.  I want to hold up a sign that says "will work for friends" or something.  It's so sad.

-  I don't love my apartment.  It's fine, and I like the inside a lot, but the location isn't my favorite, and I'm not thrilled to be in an apartment again.  Still, I'm trying to be thankful for what I have, which is a wonderful opportunity to be home with my son.  Contentment is a hard thing sometimes - I'm working on it.

The good:

- A lot of the people in this area are different from me.  Racially, age wise, life stage, etc.  I was in a grocery store the other day where I'm pretty sure was the only white girl.  This is challenging me to step out of my comfort zone and get to know people who might not be just like me.  Speaking of which, at a Weight Watchers meeting today, this almost sixty year old lady invited me to go to a Zumbathon with her next week at the YMCA (1 hr of water zumba (who knew such a thing existed) and an hour of regular zumba).  In Charlottesville, I probably would have passed, I'd have "better things to do" or my own friends to hang out with.  Most likely, I'm going to go - not like I have a full social calendar.

- I'm not there yet, honestly, but I see the potential for a lot of dependence on God, and letting him be enough.  I also see the possibility for a ton of growth in my ability to love and serve my husband and family.  I have more time and we have our own place - I can keep it clean(ish), make yummy and healthy meals, do laundry, etc. and try to keep all of those things off my husband's plate (which, I struggled with a lot when I was teaching).  So, depend on God, love and serve my family and try to make relationships with others - that's the opportunity here.

- There is a Trader Joes less than 2 miles from my house, and in the same shopping center is a frozen yogurt place.  And today, they had a "fill a 12 oz cup with yogurt/toppings for $1" deal going on.  So, I went to the grocery store and got yogurt and it made. my. day.  Sometimes, it's the little things.

Eli is fighting sleep.... and he's winning.

I can't think of anything in life more humbling than being a parent.  Currently, being a wife and a momma is my full time job, and don't get me wrong, I love it.  However, even though there is no job in the world I'd rather do, on days like today, I can't help thinking I stink at it.

Eli is suffering from what is sometimes referred to as 8-10 month old sleep regression.  He used to sleep beautifully.  If you read his 8 month update, you'll remember that he was putting himself down for all naps and at bedtime, and was sleeping through the night (12 hrs!) with a maximum of one time getting up.  It was glorious.

Well, we've been in transition for a while - living at my parents, house sitting for my sister, camping with the fam, JP being at school in Charlotte two weeks without us, staying with friends for two days, and then having an apartment full for a few nights.  In short, it's been nuts.  And sometime in all this craziness, my sweet little angel of a sleeper has turned into a little night and naptime monster.

He WILL NOT go to sleep on his own, ever, and most nights he's waking up a ton.  I think it's a bit of separation anxiety.  He FREAKS every single time we put him in his crib.  A lot of people have told us to try letting him cry it out, which, I'll be honest, isn't my preference.  However, a couple of times, I've HAD to leave him crying, because I've gotten to a point of complete desperation, not knowing what else to do.  Even still, my smartypants son figured a way out it.  What did he do?  Start banging his head against the side of the crib, knowing perfectly well his momma wouldn't be able to stand that and would come to his rescue.  Gah!

We've been working on sleep HARD for the past two days - mostly trying to get him back in a good routine with an appropriate quantity of sleep.  I want to make sure he's at least well rested, getting his two naps and a good amount of nighttime sleep, before we start working on him getting himself to sleep on his own again.  Well, for whatever reason, he's decided that he'll only go to sleep for his daddy.  Seriously, I can. not. get that child to go to sleep.

So, JP has successfully gotten him to go down the past few naps and at bedtime last night.  Praise the Lord, he slept from 7:30pm - 6am last night, and it was amazing.  He also took a nice, two hour nap this morning once JP got him down.  However, JP's had to go to school this afternoon.  And Eli HAS to be able to sleep for me.  But he won't.

It was about time for his afternoon nap.  I snuggled him up, and we went into his room.  With just a little lamp by his bookshelf, we read a few books, and then I rocked him and sang a bit.  After a bit of all this, I decided to put him down.  He screamed for 5 minutes, but then stopped and only made sounds every few minutes.  Then, even those stopped.  I started feeling pretty good, thinking I'd won the battle, and went to peak in on him.  He was sitting up playing away in his crib - no sign of sleep at all.

I decided to let him be - he was happy and maybe he'd play himself to sleep.  NOPE.  He proceeded to get super angry after a while, and made a colossal fuss.  After a while, I went in, tried to console him, and eventually we resorted to nursing.  I was convinced that this, even though it may be considered "breaking the rules" would calm him enough to go to sleep.  Nope.  He finished and then started the throw a fit again, rocking didn't work, so back into the crib he went.  Now, he's whining/playing/taunting me and making me feel like a terrible and incompetent mother who can't get her kid to sleep.

AHHHH.  On days like today I just want to run away, let someone else come in and "fix things" and come back once things are neat, orderly and running smoothly in my household.

Except then, Eli will probably be in college and I'll have missed his whole life.

So, instead of wishing for someone to take away my problems, I will stay and attempt to do the work myself.  I'll beg the Lord for strength and patience and wisdom, and pray like crazy.  I'm not sure what else to do....

Babies Don't Keep

Since having Eli, that poem (Babies Don't Keep) has been somewhat of a motto for living.  Despite the demands of being a wife, mom, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, etc (and, for three months, a teacher too!), I've tried to remind myself that Eli is only a baby for so long.  He's going to grow up, become more independent, and, one day, leave home.  (And, as sad as that makes me to think about, I really don't think I want a 40 year old son at home with me, sorry Eli!).

Knowing all of this, I've tried to completely and fully enjoy every moment and every stage.  I've tried not to be anxious for the next exciting thing, but to enjoy my son, exactly the way that he is, each day.  This past week has been a reminder of that motto, and a challenge to it.

A week ago today, I sat outside for the graveside services for a former student.  A boy I taught for two years passed away, somewhat unexpectedly.  As his mother sat on the front row, in tears, my heart ached in a way that it never had before.  I thought of the pain she most certainly was going through, completely unable to imagine how much she must hurt.  Her sweet little boy was no longer hers to hold.  I thought about the words to the poem as I rushed home to grab up my sweet little darlin and snuggle him with a new sense of appreciation.  Babies don't keep - nor do we have a say on how long we keep them.

As I mentioned in my last post, the hubs has been gone for over a week.  He's in NC, in the swing of school, and Eli and I will join him next week, when our apartment is ready.  It's been so hard to have him gone.  I have thought of single moms and military wives so many times since he's left, with the utmost respect and awe at what they do.  I am not cut out for either role and praise God, He knows that!  It's been much harder than I thought having JP gone, specifically at night.  In my 8 month update on Eli, I shared that he'd become a champion sleeper - and he had!  For two or three weeks, he went down for naps and bedtime without a glitch, and woke once (sometimes not at all!) in the night.  Well, he got off schedule the day before JP left (because of being at his other grandmas, and a meeting that we had, etc) and has been a bit off ever since.  He's been waking up two and three times a night, and making me crazy (and exhausted).  One night, it took all I had not to call JP and just have him on the phone - someone else to experience the misery.

However, I'm trying to remind myself that "babies don't keep".  Even though the night wakings are sooooo hard, it's precious when I pick up my crying son and he snuggles up to me, as if every care in the world is somehow removed.  It's adorable (though, a bit annoying) when he claps his hands in the night when he can tell I'm fretted with him (because, he's learned it's a surefire way to get me to smile).  Babies don't keep.  And I'm determined to enjoy my sweet little son while he's mine to hold.

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

If you're happy and you know it...

Eli is at such a fun age!  He's at a stage where he, near daily, does something new for us to smile and marvel over.  In the past two-three weeks he has learned to army crawl, started crawling off his belly, figured out how to click his tongue and make raspberries (and imitate others who do the same) and he can clap his hands.  More specifically, he claps his hands when I sing "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands."  Seriously.  It is so stinkin' adorable I can hardly handle the preciousness.  It melts my heart every single time. 

He's pretty consistent - does it about 8 times out of 10.  And, I'm going to guess that those other 2 or so times he doesn't do it, he's just not happy.  We can't be happy all the time, right?

Well, if I were doing "If you're happy and you know it", my record would be worse than Eli.  The hubs is away, which makes for a pretty unhappy wife.  I am oh so blessed to be married to my best friend in the entire world.  He was my best friend before we ever started dating, and has been ever since.  No one is as good a companion, and no one "gets me" as much as he does. 

He's in Charlotte two weeks early because our apartment isn't ready yet, but classes have started.  He's staying with the Andersons (who are soooooo nice and gracious to host him) and I'm at my mom and dads.  We're hanging in there, but it sucks.  A lot.  I have no idea how military wives or single moms do it.  Really.

When JP started applying to graduate schools, lots of people asked if I would be joining him.  There was no (thought of) Eli at the time, and people wondered if I would just continue in my job and stay in our place in Cville (or with my folks) and he would go off to whichever school he chose and come home on occasion to visit.  Both JP and I got this question from co-workers, and both of us were puzzled.  Was that really a viable option?  Did people really do that?

For us, it was never a consideration.  JP has been gone since Friday at 7:30am and I've missed him since Friday at 6:00pm (all day my brain kept thinking he wasn't really gone, that he was just at work).  I hate him being away - especially in the evenings, when I just want to cuddle on the couch and talk about our days, or our thoughts.  In moments of weakness I think I won't make it until the 31st (yes, I know I will in fact, survive until then) so I can not fathom doing a long distance marriage for 2 years while he's in school.  YUCK.  No thank you.

Anyhow, I'm glad this is just for two weeks.  Then, my little family will be reunited in Charlotte.  And when I sing "If you're happy and you know it" to Eli, we can both (all three!!) clap our hands!

My 8 month of bundle of joy...

Even without a full-time job outside the home, life is so busy.  I sometimes wonder how I did it all when I was working (the answer to that is, I didn't, and definitely not well).  I still struggle to have time to do things I want to do, like update this here blog.

I've been writing a lot more for Cross Moms - all of my Christmas in July posts are over there.  That series has been such a wonderful blessing to write.  It has kept me in the Word on a more consistent, regular basis, and has taught be SO much about God's character.  If you haven't had a chance to take a look, I'd love for you to pop over and read them.

Anyhow, my writing over there has kept me busy, and with an 8 month old who has now nearly mastered army crawling and needs more constant attention, I have a little less time on my hands.  My wonderful, wonderful husband took a morning off today, and has blessed me with a little bit of time to myself.  I absolutely love spending time with my boys, but it's nice to be able to get away and recharge every once in a while.  After a doctor's appointment, my morning has been spent in the cafe at Barnes and Noble, with a frozen strawberry lemonade, and time to pick out a good book and blog.  So, without further ado, here's a bit of an update on my precious little one and all that's going on in his 8 month old life.

Mobility:  As mentioned, Eli is army crawling and moving like crazy.  You can't take your eye off of him for a minute.  He's curious and into everything.  Both my mom, and a friend who has two daughters told me that their girls were never so wild.  Such is the life with a boy I suppose, and Eli is ALL boy.  He wiggles and squirms and hardly likes to sit still a minute.  He's able to go from sitting to standing on his own (pulling up on things) and can go from sitting to crawling and back to sitting again.  It's been fun to watch all his new moves (though, I honestly wasn't encouraging the crawling, as I knew that would mean the end of life as I know it).

Food:  Eli has been eating solid foods since a little past 6 months.  He has tried avocado, banana, applesauce, pears, plums, carrots, sweet potato, squash, green beans, peas, and, recently, chicken.  He's a great eater and has liked everything except the avocado so far.  Pretty much made all of his food, which hasn't been bad.  He's currently eating two meals a day (breakfast and dinner) and we're planning to add in solids at lunch around 9 months.  We've been taking it slow, and still mostly focusing on nursing at this age.  Speaking of which...

Nursing:  Is still going well.  Since I finished the school year, Eli rarely gets bottles, but he still takes one or two every now and then, and is a champ about going back and forth.  He nurses pretty frequently during the day (3-4 hrs), but only gets up once at night.  The night before last he slept 12 hours straight, which was a first.  He is a very distracted nurser as of late though - he wants to look all over, make faces and noises and ensure that he isn't missing anything.  A few people have asked how long we plan to nurse, and I don't have a definite answer.  Right now, I'm thinking definitely past a year, but I guess the best answer is, as long as we both want to.

Sleep: Is going SOOOOOO well, and I am incredibly thankful.  Sleep hasn't always been easy with Eli, and we were hoping to avoid him having to cry it out for long periods of time, but also wanted to be sure he developed good sleeping habits (including the ability to go to sleep on his own).  I'm happy to report that he regularly, and consistently puts himself to sleep with little to (usually) no tears.  Crying is the exception rather than the rule, and even when he does cry, it's usually just 2-3 minutes, if that.  He puts himself to sleep without any rocking, screaming or even nursing at naps and at night.  It has NOT always been this way, and I am so glad for the progress he's made.  It makes for a much happier household.

Other:  Eli is such a blessing and an amazing source of joy.  I truly can't imagine life without him and am thankful God knew better than our plans.  My life has changed in so many ways and it is better than I could ever imagine.  Sure, we have rough days, money is tight, and there are struggles, but I wouldn't change a thing.  8 months (plus) after his arrival, we are more in love with our little one than we ever thought possible.

The Rest of the Series...

Rather than have them in two places, the rest of the ABC - Christmas in July posts will be over on the Cross Moms blog.  I pray that you would read the entries and that they would bring about a greater appreciation for God's goodness.

D is for... is posted today.  Pop over, read it, and be ready for E tomorrow!

Let's be honest...

People keep asking me how I'm feeling about our upcoming move to Charlotte, if I'm ready, or some similar question about my thoughts on the matter.  Usually, at least in casual conversations, I give a quick, pat answer and avoid delving into the mixture of emotions.  However, I decided this here blog is as good a place as any to disclose the real answers.  It'll be good for me to look back on too.

1.  I am scared. to. death.
I've never lived farther than 40 minutes from all my family.  Even in college my mom worked in the same area, and my sisters and grandparents were a hop, skip and a jump (yes, I'm from the country) away.  Since then, I've developed a wonderful community at Charlottesville Community Church and have the most wonderful, caring, genuine friends and I can't imagine doing life without them.  I am petrified of leaving all of that, plus the little city that JP and I very much love to head to a place that is 4 1/2 hours away, in a city I don't love (yet?) where I know no one.  It's really scary and in most ways, I'm not looking forward to it.  At all.

2.  Discontent
For some reason it's hard for me to write this, but I'm trying to be honest.  We just sold our townhouse - a home that was modern, updated and spacious, in a community that we loved.  We backed to woods, had a lovely playground, enjoyed beautiful hardwoods and granite and had the best neighbors.  We're moving into a significantly smaller apartment (grad school student and stay at home mom budget), and I'm not thrilled about it.  This past weekend we headed down to the Queen City to visit and found two adorable little neighborhoods we would have loved to live in.  Can't afford them.  We also found a smallish but plenty big for the three of us single-family home.  It was in the middle of sketchville/nowhere about 30 minutes from JP's school.  Finally, we settled on a cute little apartment complex.  It's totally fine.  Nice even.  It has a pond, trees, a pool.  It's great. But I am struggling to be content.  I don't like that we're "going backwards" in terms of niceness.  I want to continue to have my nice townhouse while being on an essentially no-income budget.  (I am actively praying against all this, as I recognize that we have been abundantly blessed and provided for and our little apartment will be just fine for our little family of three).

3.  Excited
I realize after those last two paragraphs, excited doesn't quite fit.  I just gave a list of things that make me want to dig in my heals and refuse to ever leave Charlottesville.  Still, the truth is, I am excited.  I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is where God wants us to go.  Sure, it took some reminders from my darling husband this weekend.  But, in my soul, I do know it's His will.  I mean, JP is getting paid (not much at all, but paid) to go grad school.  He's getting a free masters and enough money to pay our insurance and groceries, while going to class.  Because of that, the money we saved for school is available for living expenses and I am able to be home.  In addition, our house sold in just 17 days, and, despite a loss on it, we got what we needed out of the deal.
Before I got pregnant, we decided that we wanted me to be able to stay home with our children while they were little.  We prayed about it and both felt like God confirmed that this was his plan for our family.  When we got the positive test, I was nervous - Eli was unplanned and I didn't see how it would be possible for me to be home until after grad school.  God has clearly, abundantly provided for us, and I know he will continue to do so in Charlotte.  So, I'm excited to see the good things He has in store for us there!

C is for...

Comforter/Compassionate
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those with any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God."
When I was first thinking about this little series and quickly going through the ABCs in my head, comforter was the first C name I thought of for God.  He really is such a source of comfort to us - if only we will let Him!  I often struggle with not inviting God in and allowing to comfort me when I need it.  Instead, I think I have to take care of things myself (at least, that's what I try to do).  I'm going to try to stop doing that and rely on the Father of compassion instead.  He cares about our troubles and our hurts and wants to come alongside us and help with them.


Creator
Genesis 14:19  "And he blessed Abram saying, 'Blessed be Abram by Most High God, creator of Heaven and Earth."
"In the beginning, He created.."  God created all there is and all there will ever be.  My small group at church a few years ago did an apologetic study looking at reasons frequently given for disbelief in God.  To dispute one such reason, the author explained the likelihood of creation coming into existence 'by chance'.  The odds are significantly better that I'd win the lottery than they are for all life-sustaining conditions to be present and then even more unlikely is the chance that "something would happen" to cause this life to be.  It's not chance.  Creation is the result of an amazing creator.  How great is our God?


Close
Psalm 34:18  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
My husband and I have talked frequently about falling into the temptation of believing that God is a distant God.  It's easy to think that He is simply a big God, who set the world in motion and is now far removed from his creation.  Nothing is farther from the truth.  God is relational and cares deeply about us - and he is close.  That overwhelms my heart and mind.  The God of the universe is close to me.  I can hardly wrap my head around it!


Counselor
Isaiah 9:6  "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
This verse gives me a head start on some other names and characteristics of God!  The Holy Spirit is also often referred to as the Counselor - and I'm so grateful God knew us enough to know our need for wise counsel and guidance.  I know that I should certainly seek it more often that I do.  The Bible says "we don't have because we don't ask."  I need to start asking for more counsel from the Lord.


Christ/Crucified
1 Corinthians 2:2 "I resolved to know nothing while I was with you, except Jesus Christ and him crucified."
Jesus is the Christ - the long awaited Messiah.  Of course, I have come to know that he was a different (better) messiah than what was expected by the Jewish people.  While they hoped for one who would come and deliver them from military  and governmental oppression, they received a Christ who is able to save their very souls and deliver them from oppression and bondage to sin.  His crucifixion means that sin is atoned for - the debt is paid - our stains our gone.  Paul is right - knowing Christ and him crucified is enough.  


So - I kind of cheated today with combining a few names - but they went together well and I didn't have a whole lot of time (I do have an almost 8 month old to take care of).  Today I think close and comfort(er) resonated most with me.  As I get ready to move to a new city, with a new and different budget, where I will be at home with my son and won't know anyone, I am terrified (post on that coming soon).  It is wonderful to know that my Almighty Abba Father, who as the Bread of Life is my provision, is close enough to be my compassionate comforter.  

B is for...

This is the second post in my Christmas in July series - looking at the names and characteristics of God by going through the A,B,Cs.  Here is the introduction and explanation, and the first post "A is for..".  Onto the letter B.

I couldn't think of/find as many with the letter B, but the three I did were more than enough.

Bread of Life
John 6:35  "Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in my will never be thirst.'"
I love this!  When I am overwhelmed by life and things like finances (which is what happens when you are on a grad student/stay-at-home mom budget), I need to remind myself that Jesus is my provision, and He is more than enough.  Certainly he is not talking about physical bread here, though he does supply our physical needs.  He is also our bread of life - our provision and portion for salvation.  He meets our deepest needs - our spiritual need for a savior.  


Beautiful
Psalm 27:4  "One thing I ask of the Lord, this only do I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."
I know that I don't understand the beauty of the Lord nearly as well as David did, but I want to.  If I did understand, like him, it would be the thing I sought with my whole self.  He IS beautiful and worthy to be pursued.  The gospel is such a lovely mystery - that God would give his Son for us, despite the messes that we are.  What a beautiful God!


Bountiful
Jeremiah 31:12a "They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; they will rejoice in the bounty of the Lord."
God is such an abundant provider!  Psalm 68:10 says "from your bounty , God, you provided for the poor."  He has so much to offer us out of his bounty.  I am overwhelmed with how he provided for my little family financially (through JP's grad school offer and the sale of our house).  But he provides much more than that.  He is full of grace, mercy, forgiveness and love - ready to rain it down upon those who seek Him.


What an amazing God!  It is such a joy to learn more about Him and reflect on his character.  He is so good!

A is for...

This is the first of my Christmas (Advent) in July series.  If you missed the introduction, go back and read that here.

A is for....

Abba Father:
Romans 8:15 "The Spirit you have received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you have received brought about your adoption to sonship, and by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
I've learned that "Abba" means something akin to Papa, or Daddy.  This name of God has always been meaningful to me, but I think it's sweetness has grown in my heart since having my own child.  Seeing my husband be such a wonderful daddy to our son, makes me marvel at God's goodness.  He is a perfect Daddy, who loves his children more than we can imagine or comprehend.  My husband and I have talked frequently about how special a parent's love is - it is unconditional.  Eli didn't do anything to earn our love (though he is really stinkin cute), and yet, we love him more than anything. So it is with God.  We don't have to earn his love - and we can't lose it.  What a blessing!

Alpha
Revelation 22:13 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."
(Perhaps I should have started with this one...)  God was, and is, and is to come.  He is outside of the realm of time.  This is really mind blowing whenever I think about it, and overwhelms with with just how great He really is.

Almighty
Revelation 19:6  "Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud pearls of thunder, shouting, 'Halellujah, For the Lord God Almighty reigns'".
In the midst of a crazy world, it is such a wonderful blessing to have the assurance that God is Almighty, and in control.  This has been particularly helpful during this time of transition.  As I worry about the fact that we don't know anyone in Charlotte, we currently don't have a place to live, and we will be on a rice and beans budget (grad student and stay at home mom), it is such a source of comfort to know that our God is Almighty and He is in control.


Able
Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, amen!"
This verse pretty much says everything and doesn't leave much room for commentary.  God is able - period.  He is able to do more than all we ask or can imagine.  He is Able.  He is Almighty.  


Alive
Acts 1:3  "After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs he was alive.  He appeared to them over a period of forty days and he spoke about the Kingdom of God."
God is not dead, He is Alive.  If Jesus hadn't been raised from the dead, our faith is in vain (1 Corinthians 15:14).  Because he conquered sin and death and was raised again, we can have hope for the same if we are His children.  Praise God that we don't serve a dead savior.  We serve one who is living and ever intercedes for us (Hebrews 7:25)


Attentive
1 Peter 3:12a "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer..."

Isn't it amazing that the God of the universe is attentive?  He doesn't just hear our prayers, he attends to them - he is interested, he cares!  What an amazing blessing!


Authority 
Matthew 28:18 "Then Jesus said, "All authority on heaven and earth has been given to me."
God (the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is our authority on all things.  We should live as he says.  I am slowly learning this doesn't just mean following a list of rules - it means depending on Him.  AND the guidelines He has given us in scripture are FOR OUR GOOD.  He loves us as children (He's our Abba Father) and He has our best interest at heart.  We should rejoice in living under his authority.


Awesome
Deuteronomy 7:21  "Do not be terrified by them, for the Lord you God, who is among you, is a great and awesome God."
Enough said.

What a blessing it has been to see and reflect on God's names and his character.  And this is just day one!  I am looking forward to learning more about him as we go throughout the rest of the alphabet.


I'm curious - which is most meaningful to you right now? (I'd have to go with either Abba or Able!)  Any "A" ones I forgot?  Let me know if you're reading along.


*Edit:  I forgot Adonai, which is transliterated Lord, and means master, owner, or sovereign ruler.  What is incredibly interesting is that in addition to noting the exalted position of God, it also stresses man's relationship with God (showing God as his master, authority and provider.  I find it so wonderful to know in His name is included his relationship with men!  We are so blessed!
I also forgot Atonement.  Jesus is the atonement for our sins!  He pays the price for them and allows us to be "at-one" with God.

Christmas in July...

Or, really, Advent.

Yesterday morning I was at Bible study with women of all ages.  I love learning from ladies who have walked through many seasons of life and can offer grace and wisdom to us who are younger.  It has been a blessing, for sure, to be a part of this group this summer and last.

Sometimes, the blessing comes through the material we are studying throughout the week, or the video we watch during group, and sometimes it comes through fellowship.  Yesterday, it came through the sharing of a WONDERFUL advent idea, that I just couldn't wait until Christmas to start.

Kathy, our host, shared that when her (grown) daughter was little, they celebrated advent my making an ABC book, or posters, that declared the different names and characteristics of God.  For the 25 days of December leading up to Christmas, they would focus on a different letter of the alphabet (one day they would have to double up).  They would search scriptures and find names of God, or his attributes that start with that particular letter, write them down and praise Him for those aspects of his character.  As their daughter got older, they would ask her to recount examples - sometimes she would tell ones she had learned from scripture, and other times, she would come up with her own.  (Apparently an example is for C she said "cake" because God was sweet like cake).

Anyhow, I left Bible study determined to do this with Eli each Advent, especially as he gets older.  My teacher/momma brain was moving at full speed thinking of how to turn this into a wonderful little "lesson" each day, and how fun it would be to have a different spin on the "project" each year.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I was prompted to do this NOW - not for Eli, but for me.  SO - I'm starting my first blog series of posts.  Each day, for the next 26 days (or 26 posts, if I can't make 26 consecutive day) I'll be posting briefly about the names/characteristics for that letter of the alphabet.  I'm praying that I will know the Lord better through this process - that God will teach me more about Himself.  I'm also praying that this will be a blessing to someone who reads along.  I'd love comments along the way (especially with some of the names/characteristics that I may forget).

Here we go:  Christmas (Advent) in July!!

Transition

I haven't been writing on this blog nearly as often as I thought I would this summer.  I've been doing more frequent posts for a blog I contribute to (www.crossmoms.com - check it out!) and have sort of neglected my own.  I decided to take some time today and write a bit about life in transition.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am no longer a teacher.  I thought that I would joyfully celebrate this - that I'd walk out of my classroom and not look back.  I was so excited to be home with my sweet little boy, I couldn't fathom actually missing teaching.  However, the process has been different than I thought.

The last week of school was hard.  I tearfully said goodbye to my students, the way I always do.  After spending a year with a group of kiddos, you can't help but grow to love them.  And this year, I also worked with a wonderful group of parents who were supportive, appreciative and blessed me greatly as I had my own child (both with gifts, and lots of kind words while I was out and when I returned).  Some of the students I had this year were siblings of children I had taught in years past - which was a lot of fun.  I thoroughly enjoyed building relationships with the families - but it made the end of the year that much harder.

The first few days home were strange.  After running a hundred miles an hour for months trying to keep up with the demands of an infant, a marriage, a demanding job, selling a house and the rest of life's requirements, it was strange to adjust to the slower pace of being a stay at home mom, with no outside employment and no house to prep for sale or moving.  Even though I was so excited to stay home (and still am!) I couldn't help mourning the loss of something I loved, and something I was good at.  (It's also been hard to adjust to a "thankless" job - not that I received tons of thanks as a teacher - but that's for another post).

So that's been one transition.  We've also transitioned out of our place, into my parents, and are in waiting to move to North Carolina next month.  Currently, we don't have a place to live, which is a bit stressful.  I'm trying to rest in the fact that God has provided for our move through the sale of our house and  the tuition/stipend JP is receiving and he will continue to do so.

Life's sort of in a weird state right now - it doesn't quite feel "real".  I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to Charlottesville and all our friends and family here, but I'm also ready to be out of limbo, and to start this next phase.  We'll see how it all unfolds.  In the meantime, prayers for peace would be much appreciated!

No longer a teacher....

As of 2:30, it's official: I am a stay at home mom.  I am NOT a teacher.  This is such a strange feeling, and it really hasn't sunk in yet.  I'm sitting here at my desk, in my classroom, looking at the disarray.  Boxes are packed, posters and student work are taken down, my back table is full of the last few things I need to take care of before leaving, and I'm overwhelmed.

Today, my 5th graders had their Stepping Up ceremony.  I gave speeches, hugged students, was thanked by their parents, and shed tears.  It's a hard thing teaching 5th grade.  Every year the students I grow to love leave - they head to middle school and I stay here and get ready for the next group.  It's hard to watch them grow up.  Usually, by the time I see them again, they are wearing makeup, "teenager clothes" and think they are too cool for school.  It's sad.  I miss the children they were.

This year was a different sort of day.  After shedding tears for my departing 5th graders, I returned to my class to spend an hour with with my 4th graders.  For the last twenty minutes of the day we did the only appropriate thing for the last day of school - we put on music and DANCED.  We were silly, wild and crazy and just had a blast.  I also learned a new dance (it's called the Wobble - thanks Nathan!).  Then, when they left, one student said, "Mrs. Mays, it really sucks that you're leaving."  I cried all over again as I gave them their last hug and saw them our the door.

It was a hard day.  I'm so excited to be staying home with my sweet little boy.  I'm really looking forward to being there for him, not missing his firsts, and helping to teach him so many of the things he needs to learn, and being a full time mommy.  It was challenging this year to be torn between work and home.  I wanted, so badly, to be the best at both things I was doing - but, ultimately, felt not quite as good at either

It's going to be hard not to teach - I love what I do.  I love getting to know the kiddos, showing them constant love and support, even when they are a mess.  I love watching them transform over the course of the year into more mature, studious people.  I love seeing a community be built, where learning happens, they can take risks, explore new things and learn more about who they are.  I also love being silly, and, sometimes straight ridiculous with them.  I love the age group.  It's so much fun to inspire them to love learning, and to teach them in fun and innovative ways.  It's the best to see their little faces light up with excitement when they learn something new, or to have them say "thank you" after an especially good lesson.  I love the "oh, now I get it" moments, when things finally click.  It's a wonderful thing to be a part of these kids' lives.  

Some of them wrote me really sweet notes (and gave me gift cards to Outback and Sweet Frog - SCORE!).  It humbled me to realize that I have made such a difference in their lives.  And it saddened me that I won't be doing that next year - I won't get to have this role.  

Then I stopped and realized, I WILL have this role.  I will get to make the biggest difference in my son's life.  If I have to chose a role, I choose that one - a hundred times, and I know I'll never regret my choice.  

And if, along the way, there are opportunities to pour into the lives of some others, I will welcome the chance to do this again.  But for now, I'm happy to take off my teaching hat, and "just" be mommy :D.

Six month letter to Eli

A few weeks ago I had a kid.  Now he's six months old.  How did that happen??  I have got to stop blinking.

In all seriousness, the past six months have FLOWN by.  I'm pretty sure that he now qualifies as an "older baby".  I'm not sure, but I'm guessing he's around 17lbs (16lbs, even at 5 months).  What happened to my little (not so little) 9lb bundle that left the hospital?  He has grown so much, so fast.

I am keeping a journal of letters to Eli.  It's a little notebook that JP bought me when I was pregnant.  I wrote letters to him throughout my pregnancy, and have been writing one a month since he was born.  It's fun to tell him what he's doing and how we're spending our days.  It's also fun (already) to look back and read about what he was doing, when.  I'm sure that'll be the case even more as he gets older.  Anyhow, he turns 6 months today, and I decided to type this letter.  I'll transfer it into his journal when life slows down (or just print it and stick it in).

Dear little Eli,
You are now six months old.  I can't believe it.  It feels as though I just blinked and you changed so much.  I've spent a lot of time this month looking at all your pictures, and it's crazy to see how you have grown.  Your daddy and I love you more and more each day though, and we are not rushing through any stage.  We are savoring every single moment with you, and enjoying each new thing as it comes.

It has been a busy, full month.  Our house has been under contract an we've been working hard to get through all the contingencies, and to get ready to move.  We will miss our place, the first home we lived in as a family of three, but are oh so happy that it has sold, because it means I get to stay home with you.  I can't imagine life any other way.  I know we'll have hard days, but I am elated that we will get to spend them together.  That is worth far more to me than owning our house, or having nicer finishes.  Ten days love bug, ten days.

Early this month, we went to Pawley's Island, SC for a family reunion and your very first beach trip.  Your great aunts and uncles, and your daddy's cousins were all so excited to meet you for the first time.  You charmed them all, the way you melt everyone with your precious blue eyes and sweet sweet smile.  You also got to feel the sand and water over your toes, and go in a pool for the first time, and you loved it.  You are mommy's little fish.  You splash and splash and hate getting out of the water.  You're the same way at home in the bath.  You've been in the big tub with mommy for a while, and you couldn't be happier about it.  You grab for your ducky and the bath book grandma got you, and hit the water gleefully.  Sometimes you seem surprised when it jumps up and covers your face, but you never seem to mind.  I'm looking forward to the summer.  I imagine we'll be in pools a lot.  (You're ready - you were given 6, count them, 6 bathing suits!  Result of being the first grandchild on both sides, I suppose).

The following weekend was Mother's Day, my first "official" one as your mom.  We had such a lovely weekend.  On Saturday we did a 5k for my school, and then we went strawberry picking.  I loved the "Mom" picture you and your daddy made for me, but having you with us was by far the best gift,  ever.

It's been a full month for more than just the things we've done.  You've changed a lot over these last thirty or so days. The biggest change has to do with your mobility.  No, you aren't crawling yet, but you are rolling like crazy.  I often refer to you as my little rolly poley.  If we lay you on your tummy you will roll, and roll, and roll, until something prevents you from going any further.  This means we have to watch you a bit more closely.  You're also rolling over in your crib.  We still put you to sleep on your back, but we find you all sorts of different ways.  Lately, you end up asleep on your tummy.  Sometimes diagonally, sometimes perpendicular to the bed.  You have been putting yourself to sleep more often, which makes us so proud,  You've also been sleeping a bit longer (well, just the past few nights - I probably shouldn't even mentioned it because then you'll just revert back to prove me wrong).  Mommy and Daddy appreciate this, and aren't walking around like the zombies we were when you were doing your 3-4 hour stretches all night.  Let's keep that up!

We still haven't started solids yet, and probably won't for the next two weeks.  The plan is to start after I finish teaching, and after your 6 month appointment, which will put you being about 6 1/2 months old.  I'm so proud of us for making it to the 6 month recommendation for exclusive breastfeeding.  It was sooooo hard on us both at the beginning, but we persevered and it's gone so well since you were about a month old.  I know it's "only" nursing, but perseverance is something I'd like to be better at, and it's something I want to teach you, so it's exciting that we accomplished this together.

Probably the biggest thing that happened this month was this past Sunday when your Daddy and I dedicated you to the Lord.  It was such a special time.  We're trying to remember that you aren't ours.  You never have been and never will be.  You are a precious gift from God, and we are so blessed with the privilege of taking care of you.  I pray that we will be good stewards, that we will raise you well.  I pray that you will be smart, caring, compassionate and friendly - but mostly I pray that you will know the Lord.  I pray that, as your name says, He will be your God.  I pray that you would make a huge impact for his kingdom.  Your Daddy and I want our home to be a place of love, where we teach you his grace.  I hope we'll model that for you.  I'm sure we'll fail, regularly, but we'll try.  It's a huge responsibility being your parents - but it bring us immeasurable joy.

We love you kiddo.  So much.  I look forward to the next month, and every one after that.  Being your mom is my favorite.
Love,
Mommy

A Gift I Can't Repay: Mother's Day Thoughts...

This past Sunday was a very special first for me – the first Mother’s Day where I, too, was celebrated as a mom.  With both my husband and my family living close by, we make a point to see both our families for most holidays.  Knowing it would be a busy weekend, our little family of three celebrated my Mother’s Day on Saturday (with a 5K walk for my school, strawberry picking, a yummy dinner at home and strawberry shortcake).  My son and husband also made me a picture gift (Eli is holding the letters to spell MOM – so precious).  It was a sweet, sweet day I know I’ll always cherish.

Then, on Sunday, we visited both our moms.  We took dinner and gifts for each one, hoping to make their day special and show them our appreciation for years of caring for us and loving us well.  This year, because I am a mom, I was a bit more reflective about the holiday than normal.

I’m a gift-giver – it’s one of my love languages.  Regardless of the holiday, I think long and hard about the gift I will give, and try to imagine the receiver’s response when they open it.  I keep a little section in the back of my planner with ideas.  Whenever I hear someone mention something they need, or would like to have, or something they really like that belongs to someone else, I make a note to refer back to when an occasion comes around (or, even better, for no occasion at all).  It’s how I give and receive love.

Last year I got my mom pearl earrings.  The freshwater pearls were beautifully nested in gold rings, and they were perfect for my mom.  I remember thinking that I’d done it.  I’d gotten her a wonderful gift, one that would adequately show my appreciation and “repay her” for all she had done as my mom.

Oh, how naïve I was!  Though my son is only five months old, he has taught me a great deal about motherhood already.  More than anything else, I’ve learned that being a mom requires a great deal of sacrifice.  My needs and desires are secondary to his.  My time is not my own.  This dear, sweet little boy is completely and utterly dependent on me, and my job is to care for him well.  This means getting up for feedings in the middle of the night, when I’m exhausted.  It means missing a nap because he won’t go down, and reading countless children’s books instead of my own.  It means buying onesies and rompers instead of jeans and dresses, diaper bags instead of purses.  It means he eats before I do (and often heating and reheating food).

When I think of these few sacrifices I’ve made for Eli thus far, I am overwhelmed by all my mother did for me.  She has loved me well, sacrificed tremendously, and met my needs and wants with delight.  Oh, how silly to think that pearl earrings (or any other attempt at gift giving) could repay her.  Also, what a joy to realize that her love for me, shown in these sacrifices, never asked to be repaid.  She didn’t love me well for Mother’s Day – for the gifts she might one day receive.  That’s not how a mother’s heart works. 

I am reminded that it is the same with God.  Because I am a gift-giver, and tend to be very performance-based, I often think that I need to earn God’s love and good gifts.  And, certainly, I should at least try to “repay” him with my own “gifts”.  I tend to think that if I share the gospel, pray and read my Bible enough, act better and give away more money, that I will somehow compensate God for what he’s done for me.  Again, this is silly. 

My gifts to God (or my mom), no matter how good they are, or how well thought out, will never be good enough.   Jesus’ sacrifice was perfect and ultimate – my sacrifices for Eli, even when he is most needy, don’t come close.   God didn’t send his Son to die for us so that we would try to repay him.  He didn’t do it so that we might futily attempt to compensate with prayer, Bible reading or evangelism.  He did out of his loving heart – he considered it his JOY to give of himself for his children.      

This Mother’s Day I was reminded of two things:  to try to imitate God’s sacrificial love to my son, and to be thankful for all He’s done, grateful that I am not required to pay Him back.