You are a strange and mysterious one and I just can't understand you. When I found out you were coming for a nine month visit, I expected you'd bring a few unwelcome guests with you - and I was correct in my assumption. In addition to taking up residence in my uterus to grow a baby, you also found in necessary to invite nausea to reside in my stomach, pain to dwell in my head, and exhaustion to rule and reign in every inch of my body. However, you didn't stop there. You've confused my taste buds, burned my heart, made me itch from head to toe, nearly killed my poor bladder, and probably driven my poor husband insane.
Wait, you say, how do I know all of that is your fault? Well, in truth, I don't. Still, I've taken to believing that any and every weird or unpleasant thing that happens to me between now and November is a result of your presence in my life. Last week, I had heartburn that made me retrace what I'd eaten to see if something could have triggered a heart attack. Web MD: heartburn is a common effect of pregnancy. The 25+ lbs of tomatoes I've eaten since you came to visit = a craving that has cost nearly $100. Not to mention all the things you require me (or JP) to go out and fetch you. I mean, really. We have a full pantry and fridge, do you REALLY need us to go out and get curly fries from Arby's and a Jr. Bacon Cheese burger from Wendy's because you just can't eat anything else? And do you really have to throw a temper tantrum for chips and queso after Guad has already closed? I mean, come on pregnancy. What else do you want??
I am writing to ask that you and your little friends cool it for a while. You've done enough damage and taken enough toll on our household. You're welcome (and invited) to stay from now until November, but please be a little more kind.
Sincerely,
A pregnant woman and her husband
P.S. I have no idea if all the itching really is your fault or not, but have no other suspects at this time.
P.P.S. I do appreciate that you when you leave us this fall you'll be giving us the gift of a little one in return for your stay. He or she is definitely worth all this trouble.
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