People keep asking me how I'm feeling about our upcoming move to Charlotte, if I'm ready, or some similar question about my thoughts on the matter. Usually, at least in casual conversations, I give a quick, pat answer and avoid delving into the mixture of emotions. However, I decided this here blog is as good a place as any to disclose the real answers. It'll be good for me to look back on too.
1. I am scared. to. death.
I've never lived farther than 40 minutes from all my family. Even in college my mom worked in the same area, and my sisters and grandparents were a hop, skip and a jump (yes, I'm from the country) away. Since then, I've developed a wonderful community at Charlottesville Community Church and have the most wonderful, caring, genuine friends and I can't imagine doing life without them. I am petrified of leaving all of that, plus the little city that JP and I very much love to head to a place that is 4 1/2 hours away, in a city I don't love (yet?) where I know no one. It's really scary and in most ways, I'm not looking forward to it. At all.
2. Discontent
For some reason it's hard for me to write this, but I'm trying to be honest. We just sold our townhouse - a home that was modern, updated and spacious, in a community that we loved. We backed to woods, had a lovely playground, enjoyed beautiful hardwoods and granite and had the best neighbors. We're moving into a significantly smaller apartment (grad school student and stay at home mom budget), and I'm not thrilled about it. This past weekend we headed down to the Queen City to visit and found two adorable little neighborhoods we would have loved to live in. Can't afford them. We also found a smallish but plenty big for the three of us single-family home. It was in the middle of sketchville/nowhere about 30 minutes from JP's school. Finally, we settled on a cute little apartment complex. It's totally fine. Nice even. It has a pond, trees, a pool. It's great. But I am struggling to be content. I don't like that we're "going backwards" in terms of niceness. I want to continue to have my nice townhouse while being on an essentially no-income budget. (I am actively praying against all this, as I recognize that we have been abundantly blessed and provided for and our little apartment will be just fine for our little family of three).
3. Excited
I realize after those last two paragraphs, excited doesn't quite fit. I just gave a list of things that make me want to dig in my heals and refuse to ever leave Charlottesville. Still, the truth is, I am excited. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is where God wants us to go. Sure, it took some reminders from my darling husband this weekend. But, in my soul, I do know it's His will. I mean, JP is getting paid (not much at all, but paid) to go grad school. He's getting a free masters and enough money to pay our insurance and groceries, while going to class. Because of that, the money we saved for school is available for living expenses and I am able to be home. In addition, our house sold in just 17 days, and, despite a loss on it, we got what we needed out of the deal.
Before I got pregnant, we decided that we wanted me to be able to stay home with our children while they were little. We prayed about it and both felt like God confirmed that this was his plan for our family. When we got the positive test, I was nervous - Eli was unplanned and I didn't see how it would be possible for me to be home until after grad school. God has clearly, abundantly provided for us, and I know he will continue to do so in Charlotte. So, I'm excited to see the good things He has in store for us there!
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